Oh The Guilt

2006-03-04 034
Originally uploaded by shanrev.

Well Abby's at the sitter's today and I have it. Bad. A horrible case of "Mommy guilt". I mean there's no real reason she needs to be at the sitter's. She could and should very well be at home with me. Every time the subject of Abby going to the sitter's comes up I feel the need to justify our reasons for sending her. Mostly because I'm afraid people are thinking that there's no reason for her to be at the sitter's when I'm here at home.

I realize that I'm making this an issue for myself. What anybody else thinks or feels about Abby being at the sitters should be of little consequence to us. Mike and I are the ones that need to decide the best things to do for our kids. Abby continuing to go to the sitter's after Maya was born was something we had discussed long before I ever became pregnant. We made that decision for a variety of reasons. One being how much Abby loves being with Lyn and the other kids. Not surprisingly those kids are her closest friends and with a lot of other things in her life changing it seems harsh to take away all her friends as well. On the flip side Lloyd, Lyn and the kids miss Abby as much as she misses them. Still I can't seem to stop myself from blurting out that Abby still goes to the sitters to just about everyone I talk to. It's like I'm afraid they're going to find out anyway so I better fess up. Quick. You know like when you were a kid and broke the couch. You knew you were going to get busted for it, so you might as well confess and hope they go easier on you. Of course when Dave and I broke the couch we "fixed it" with a brick and never mentionened it to Mom, but that's a story for another time.

Today isn't the first time she's gone to the sitter's since I've been off work. I think the reason the guilt is so bad today is because I haven't really done anything worth speaking of today. Last week when she went I got all our personal paperwork together for the accoutant. So I felt like I had accomplished something when she got home. I had planned to tackle the business paperwork today, but instead did nothing. Well not nothing exactly I still have Maya here to look after. I also threw in a load of laundry this morning, but haven't moved it the the dryer yet. I am trying to convince myself that it's okay to have a day off. That I can fold laundry later. Mike can unload the dishwasher. It still feels like I'm doing something wrong.

Now for an update of the rest of our life. Maya now weighs 9 lbs 5 oz. She's gaining weight perfectly at about an ounce a day. The doctor can still hear her murmur, but it takes her a minute every time to catch it. Which is good news. The quieter the murmur is the smaller the hole is. Her murmur isn't getting any quieter, but it's not getting any louder (bigger). There's still lots of time for her heart to starighten itself out, so we aren't worried about it yet.

Abby has discovered finger quotes. Mike's pretty sure she picked it up from his Dad. At three and a half she can't quite appreciate that timing is very important when using finger quotes. You can't just throw them up around anything. Sometimes, by luck, she manages to get it right and that's pretty damn funny. Some examples with actual quotes taking the place of Abby's finger quotes:

Daddy I want a "Strawberry Shortcake" for my birthday.

Scooby Doo is "scary".

Now on that second one she actually got it right because Scooby Doo is so not scary. I don't care how many monster mysteries those meddling kids solve.

Abby is still taking pictures regularily. You can check out the pictures we both took this past weekend.

Mike's been missing his vitamin E cream for weeks now. I call it cream, but it's more the consistancy of vaseline. Anybody want to guess who found it? I'll give you a hint; after she found it she smeared it all over my upstairs bannister. So now my shiny dresser (from the baby oil debacle) matches my shiny upstairs railing. I'd like to point out that at this point my Mother is snickering as she reads this. If I allowed her to write a guest post at this very moment she would tell you all about the time I waxed my car, which in reality was my crib, with an entire tin of Penaten Cream. And do you have any idea how much that cost back in the 70's? At that point I'd have to break in and tell you that I didn't act alone. My cousin was with me and if I remember correctly the entire thing was her idea. I tried to stop her, but she was older than me by 4 months so what could I do?

I'll close with a transcript of a conversation Abby and I had yesterday.

Abby: Mom, Grandma Linda got her hair fixed at the hair store. (True. Grandma Linda recently went to the hair salon)

Me: Yes she did.

Abby: Mom maybe you should go to the hair store too.