sweetest kid evah

Saturday night I was feeling less than stellar. Mike had given the girls a bath while I lay prone on the couch. Feeling I should at least do something, especially since Mike had worked (playing farmer) that morning I managed to drag myself upstairs to put Maya to bed. I ran into Abby on the way out of Maya's room and she stopped me --

Mom, I know you're not feeling well so I'm going to tuck you in like you tuck me in. I really hope you're feeling better tomorrow.

And she led me down the hall to our bedroom. I climbed between the sheets and she pulled them up to my chin. She came around to Mike's side to make sure the comforter was high enough on that side and then she said --

I'm going to tuck myself in now.

And off she went to her own room. It was only a minute before I heard the door to her room open again and she was back --

I forgot to kiss you like you kiss me.

And she kissed my forehead and then leaned across me for a quick hug.

Seriously -- sweetest kid evah!

giddy up

I have been trying to get this post started for a while now, but can't figure out how to make it not sound ridiculously sappy being as overwhelmed with pride as I am. Maybe if we ease into it....



Abby was more than excited to see that Pride, her regular horse for riding lessons, was feeling better and ready to get back in the ring. Also exciting, that Daddy took a turn leading her around this week.

This week they played follow the leader with each kid getting a turn to be in the lead. Mike led Abby through her turn as leader and when she headed to the end of the line her teacher asked Mike to take her lead line off, but to stay with her. So Abby rode the rest of the class on her own with Mike (and then I hopped for a turn) walking beside her.



It was more than a little impressive to see Abby in control of her horse. Mike said it was akin to seeing her driving a car as it was to see her be in charge of something so large. She was even able to trot on her own as well. To be honest the first time was a little better than the second. She'd didn't seem to have the strength she needed to get Pride moving a little bit quicker. I don't think he was taking her leg squeezes as seriously as he should have been. The picture above is from when she had just finished her first trot up the arena. She's asking me if I'm sure I'd seen her. I guess she wasn't sure if I had noticed while I was jogging along side of her.

Like most little girls Abby has had a major love affair going on with horses since she was just a wee one. Unlike most girls she's had access to horses for most of her life. I'm not sure if that's what has fueled her interest in riding or if she was just wired that way from birth. And cue the sappy part...... It's just such a treat to be able to watch her develop and recognize her talents. I have always known that she's enjoyed her riding lessons and going into this it was the only issue I was concerned with. That she have fun. This weekend was the first time I realized she's good at it.** And cue Mommy's heart bursting with pride.

**Of course Mike is now concerned that I'll have her dropping out of school and training 8 hours day all in an effort to take Ian Millars spot on the Canadian Equestrian Team. But really, I think we can wait until she's 8 to do that.

warms my heart

I have many wishes for my kids, but most of all I hope they know what the important things in life are. I hope I'm teaching them the value of family and how lucky we are to be a part of this one. I often wonder if I'm doing this to the best of my ability. I wonder if "they're getting it". And then I have moments like these.....

It's bed time. Abby and I are together in her bed. She on her back, me on my side facing her an arm stretched across her stomach. This is my favourite part of the day, listening to her, talking about school, her friends, what she's seen on TV or in a book or any other random thing that comes up. As she chats she is trying to work the ring I wear on the ring finger of my right hand off.

Abby: Can I wear your ring Mom?

She almost has it off my finger at this point.

Me: Sure, but be careful with it. That was Granny's ring. It's her engagement ring.

Which isn't exactly true. My Mom had no engagement ring. As the story goes my parents decided to get married very quickly. Like in a week quickly. No she wasn't pregnant, but you can imagine the rumors. They exchanged plain gold bands that day in the Priest's living room at my Grandma's Catholic church and then honeymooned in Rochester, New York. It was there in a pawn shop my Dad bought a ring that had two interlocking hearts and, if memory serves, a diamond chip or three for $17. My Mom wore it together with her wedding band for as long as I can remember. Then a few years before he died he bought my Mom the diamond cluster I'm wearing now. But to keep the story simple for Abby I say to her.....

Your Papa Steve, my Dad, bought this ring for Granny when he asked her to marry him.
Abby: What happened?
Me: You mean what happened to Papa Steve?
Abby: Yeah.
Me: Remember I told you that when Mommy was a little girl her Dad died.
Abby: What did you do?
Me: What do you mean?
Abby: Did you cry because you missed your Dad?
Me: Yes. Sometimes I still cry because I miss my Dad.
Abby: Do you know why I cry sometimes?
Me: No, why?
Abby: Sometimes I cry because I really miss my Great Great Great Great Grandma.
Me: You mean Papa Joyce?
Abby: Yes. And my great great great Grandma.
Me: Grandma Ida?
Abby: Yes. Once my Papa Joyce read me a book.
Me: You're right.

I think of the picture of Papa Joyce and Abby at Papa and Grandma Linda's, a book on the couch between them. The picture sits framed in Papa and Grandma's living room, another copy in the great room. I'm not sure if she actually remembers that day or if it's just from seeing the picture and does it matter if it's one or the other?

observing

She's doing great. I have no concerns about her at all. So said Abby's teacher to us today when Mike and I attended parent observation day. While I wasn't necessarily surprised to get such a glowing report that didn't make it any less of a proud Mommy moment. Abby truly loves school and is eager to learn. In the areas of strength section from her report card her teacher wrote that her positive attitude towards learning is a pleasure.

Mike and I spent two hours in Abby's class this morning it was really great to see how she spends her day at school and, wow, what a difference a year makes. This year Abby was way more focused on her work and not at all distracted by her Dad and I being there. Not that she didn't throw a smile or a quick wave to us every now and then. I loved the opportunity to see her "independent life". To see how she manages herself, how she fits into the social dynamic in her class. Abby's a pretty agreeable girl, easy going and easy to get along with. She's not especially aggressive and certainly not in a mean spirited way. During "carpet time" all the kids have assigned spots. Mike and I noticed this morning that Abby sits between two of the most disruptive kids in the class. Mike brought this up during our chat with Abby's teacher and she asked if we had noticed that Abby wasn't bothered at all by their disruptive behaviour. At one point one of the kids was nearly sitting on top of Abby and she still kept her attention focused on her teacher until the other child was directed back to her spot. Miss Abby'sTeacher told us that's why she has Abby sitting there, because she has no problem tuning them out. She also has the three of them sitting within reaching distance so she can quickly manage any disruptive behaviour (and there is a lot, that woman needs a medal). I know it's easy for kids, especially younger ones, to fall into that "mob mentality", to act up because your neighbour is. Like the two boys who were trying to make fart noises with their armpits this morning. I was impressed that Abby didn't allow herself to be sucked into their behaviour.

There was also a huge improvement in her learning skills over last year. In most of the categories (eg demonstrates self reliance, attempts new tasks willingly, follows directions and works independently) Abby scored "performs skill most of the time" in all but 3 categories. This year she scored all "consistently demonstrates skill" with the lone exception of listens attentively, which was a most of the time skill. The only real suggestion we got was to help become more confident about sharing her own ideas with her peers. Which made me chuckle a bit because if you ask anybody who knows her at home they'll all tell you she isn't shy about letting her opinion or thoughts out about anything.

is there any way to slow this down

I can remember my Mom standing there at some ungodly hour of the night with a tiny pink 5 pound bundle that was Abby in her arms. She gazed at her for a moment before looking up and me and saying, "what a little peanut." And she was a little peanut and she stayed little for a very long time. So we called her peanut or at least I did and sometimes peanutowski because she was a Polish peanut. Tonight when I put Abby to bed I whispered, "Good night, peanut."

Abby: Mom, I don't want to be called peanut anymore.
Me: Oh?
Abby: What do you call Maya?
Me: Doodle.
Abby: No I mean a fruit or vegetable.
Me: I don't call her a fruit or vegetable, I call her Doodle. (and sometimes Doodle Bug)
Abby: Well I don't want to be peanut anymore.
Me: Okay. What should I call you then?
Abby: Just Abby. You can yell, "Abby time for breakfast," just like that.
Me: Okay.

This growing up thing seriously sucks.

channeling ethel merman

Today I happened upon Abby's forgotten and barely used water wings in a plastic tote in the garage. Of course upon seeing them she just had to put them on, despite that fact that she is swimming quite well for a self taught beginner. As you can imagine that little experiment lasted all of about three and a half minutes once she realized water wings didn't allow for easy underwater swimming and if there is one thing Abby truly loves (all of the sudden) it's to be underwater. So I tugged and pulled and pried them off her arms. What is it about those things that makes them impossible to take off or put on, for that matter.

Now while I was taking care of this Maya was happily floating next to me in her baby boat. If you haven't seen one of these it is basically a baby sized dingy to two leg holes in the bottom. So the seat portion of the dingy fills up with water while her legs dangle beneath her. Maya does love it although she can get a little stir crazy after awhile and wants to be free of the confines of the baby boat. This isn't really a big deal being as we are only in 30 inches of water so I can comfortably sit on the floor of the pool while holding her in my lap. Of course she doesn't tolerate that for very long either. See she's a busy little girl. At 18 months she has already mastered the child sized rock wall climber in the backyard. By herself. And she wants to slide down the slide once she gets to the top. By herself. Now my plan earlier in the summer was to buy her one of those bathing suits with the flotation device sewn right in. Of course the local Wally was consistently sold out of her size. Then I thought about a life jacket, but was really holding out for the swim suit. So I waited and waited and waited and the next thing you know all the pool stuff is gone and replaced with fun sized chocolate bars, binders, back packs and cardboard skeletons. Also there may have been a Christmas tree, I'm not exactly sure. The point is summer is over my friend. At least according to my local retailing giant.

So tonight looking at the discarded water wings floating in the pool and listening to Maya say me me me me while pointing at the water and attempting to stand in the baby boat. Which by the way is no where near as easy as doing a hand stand in a canoe. And I had a little brain wave. I would put the water wings on Maya. Now getting them on wasn't a problem I mean besides the fact that they are near impossible to get on. Once I attempted to demonstrate how she could float with them, well that was another story. I think I would of had greater success trying to cage sand. Now she can stand in our pool, something I have to remind her of every time we get in by holding onto her and straightening her legs out until they touch terra firma. The water comes up to her shoulders and she's happy to stand provided her Dad or I are right there holding her tightly.

So tonight I went that route showing her she could stand while still keeping a firm grip on her. I think she could instantly sense the difference the water wings made because it wasn't too long before she had pulled away, putting a little bit of space between us. Next thing I knew she was still holding my hands, but now an arms length away. Then with a sly grim she raised one leg to the side as if she were a ballerina warming up and brought it as close to the surface as she could. Abby and I, obviously, cheered our heads off for her which made for lots of proud giggles from Maya. And then, just like that, she was switched legs, raising one then the other with little break in between. I'm not really sure who was Pavlov's dog in this scenario. Was she performing because we kept cheering or were we cheering because she kept performing? Either way she just kept going gathering more courage as she went.

And then before I knew it she had let go of my hands and was standing on her own. Which sent Abby running to the house so Daddy could witness Maya's awesomeness. Not quite done with her showing off she began walking, first a few cautious steps but before long she was walking, confidently from one side of the pool to the other (12 feet). It was on one such crossing that she happened to lift both feet off the bottom and give a bit of a kick before returning to her standing position. And the amazing part was she actually meant to do it so there was no freaking out. I'm sure our neighbours thought we had won the Stanley Cup in our yard in August with the amount of very loud celebrating the three of us were doing while Maya smiled that "yeah I know I rock!" smile.

could've ended in disaster

Tonight we ventured out to dinner with some friends and our kids and their kids. It had all the makings of a recipe for disaster. Six adults and four kids aged five, three, two and one. I'm sure the people sitting at the tables around ours were nervous. I mean, clearly the kids would be running around and screaming at the top of their lungs like they were orangutans while the parents ignored them . If I were them I'm pretty sure that's what I would be thinking.

But you know what? All the kids were great. Even Abby, who I was concerned about because she's going through this "I don't want to leave the house phase" that's just about on my last nerve, but that's a post for another time. They all coloured quietly while we ordered, ate their meals without fuss and got only slightly anxious while waiting for their mini ice cream cones. In fact they made way less commotion from the family of four beside us (kids were 'tweens). Excuse my while I post and open message to the dad at the next table... Maybe you're kids would take you seriously if you weren't wearing a fanny pack. Just a thought.

It was a proud moment for me, being able to have a meal in an actual restaurant with the girls. I'm not sure if the stars were all lined exactly write or my guardian angel was watching our for me, but I'll take it.

And what about me?

Well I didn't go unnoticed yesterday. Abby brought me home a lovely little paper flower garden she had made at school and Mike got me tickets to see the Dancing with the Stars tour. That in itself is awesome, but Abby had one other little gift for me. Her teacher helped them fill out a questionnaire about their Mommies and this is Abby's.

* Abby's answers are in red.

My Mom is 5 years old.

She is 6 feet all and has yellow hair.

When she relaxes, my mom likes to watch TV.

Her favourite's household chore is clean the house.

My Mom's favourite song is love in the hwy (I'm guessing she meant life is a highway)

If she could go on holiday, she would go to Grandma Sandi's and she would take her phone.

When my Mom shops, she like to buy some meat.

She always tells me to clean my toy room and it makes her happy when I clean my toy room.

I really like it when my Mom gives me hugs.

Happy Mother's Day

Being a Mom has always been really high on my agenda. Which isn't necessarily surprising I suppose. I'm no different from a lot of women. If you know anything about me you know I'm close to my Mom. She's amazing. She's my hero and she's always my Mom. I know a lot of people say their Mom is their best friend, not mine. At least I wouldn't say she is. I have best friends. I have girl friends that I can bitch on the phone too, have lunch with, catch a movie with, compare parenting war stories with or msn a night away with. Now I can and do all of those things with my Mom, but it's different. If I'm bitching to her on the phone she doesn't automatically take my side. In fact I may even invite a lecture or at the very least some suggestions about how I could have changed my behaviour. We definitely catch lunch, but she usually pays. Ditto the movies. I do share my parenting war stories, but in comparison she usually snickers and says something about apples not falling far from trees, payback's a bitch or some such nonsense. And as for the msn thing, well it's more of a young person's game, in fact it's very likely that I'm too old to be doing it.

We were still a young family when we lost my Dad and my Mom really had to step up to the plate. She had to be more, way more that she was ever anticipating. She had to be everything. Maybe she wasn't all the time. Maybe she didn't feel it all the time. Maybe sometimes she faltered. Maybe sometimes she cursed her fate. Maybe sometimes she was just angry because it was all supposed to be easier than this. But you know what? I never knew it. Having kids of my own now and a husband to help I marvel at what it took for her to "go it alone".

The years went by, I got older, got married and inherited two new Moms (and a Dad). Those ladies had a lot to live up to. My Mom had set the bar pretty high, but I got lucky. So very lucky. Mother-in-law jokes need not apply here. They have never made me feel any thing less than part of the family. An integral part of the family. We have shared tears of grief and the joy of laughter. They've seen me at my best and my worst and loved me all the same. I've have been blessed. I couldn't have wished for any better.

To my Moms I wish you the happiest of Mother's Days. Thank you for all that you do. You are some of the greatest gifts in my life and the lives of your granddaughters. I love you.

A portrait of nonchalance.

Mike and I are sitting at the kitchen table the other night chatting about our day. Abby is in the office with pencil to paper, working on the great American Canadian novel or just printing her name over and over. It's hard to tell. Soon she appears at the doorway of the kitchen. Pencil in one hand, paper in the other as if we'd just interrupted her very important work.

"Mr. PrincipalOfAbby'sSchool gave me an award today." Abby says this to us casually as if she was asking for a glass of water.

"What? An award? For what?"

"For doing good in school!"

"Where did this happen? In your class?"

"No in the gym. And guess what Mom, even the grade ones were there."



Yes our little girl was named student of the month for April when they focused on reasoning and reflection. Now I'm not exactly sure how a four year old accomplishes that because I've tried to reason with her. Lord knows I've tried. And let me tell you it ain't easy some days. Also how much reflecting could she be doing? I joke, but I'm sure you know that Michael and I are in sanely proud. The certificate is up on the fridge right now, (there is also a copy that hangs on the "student of the month bulletin board" at the school), but we're planning on framing it to hang in her room. Yeah Abby!!

Doing the best I can.

Am I a mean Mom? Am I too strict? Do I have too many rules? I wondered this tonight while Abby was angry with me for not letting her out to play with her friends. Spring finally seems to have arrived in our little corner of the world and the kids in the neighbourhood were certainly out to take full advantage of it. Abby had been to play with her friends across the street before dinner and now after 6 she was asking to go out again. Problem being it was bath night. So I ended up having to put my foot down, which she was, understandably, unhappy about. As we went through the motions of our getting ready for bed routine we could still hear the kids outside playing.

"Why do they get to play outside and not me Mom?"

And that's right about when the Mommy-guilt rolled in. Why didn't I just let her go out and play? What harm would there be? Very likely, lots. Abby is a kid that needs a lot of sleep to be the warm, funny, smart, pleasant child she is. If we miss that 8 pm deadline for being in bed even by half an hour well we're just inviting trouble in. She'll be a bear to wake up in the morning and then cranky with whoever gets the "pleasure" of her company for the day be it the sitter or her teacher and classmates. She needs an hour of wind down time before bed, 90 minutes if there's a bath involved. I understand all this and want to make sure she has everything she needs to be the happy girl she is. To Abby I'm just being "mean" because I am "mean". I think it's going to be a long spring.

The one that's one long sports analogy, for no apparent reason.

One thing being a Mom has taught me is you've got to be on your game twenty-four seven. You can't be sitting in the grass looking for four leaf clovers when the batter hits a long ball out to you at center field. There's no bending to tie your shoe when CB4 is at the three point line. Insert your own sports analogy here. This morning I made a game winning play that I was particularly proud of.

Out for brunch with the Uncles (Dave and Jeff) and the Aunt (Mel) this morning. I order Abby pancakes and bacon which is a fail safe meal for her. She can eat her weight in bacon and pancakes. Never was I expecting that they would arrive at the table buried liberally dusted with icing sugar.

"Mom! What! Is! This! On! My! Pancakes?!"

Oh boy this could be trouble. The clock was ticking down the final seconds of the game. I had the ball in my hands. With nothing left to lose I arc it towards the basket.

"Umm that's fairy dust. Just like from tinkerbell."

"Really?! Wow, I got tinkerbell stuff on my pancakes."

Swish! Nothing, but net! It was close, but I won it at the buzzer.

"So after I eat this I'll be able to fly, right Mom?"

I guess we're going into overtime.

It's like a license to print money.

Today Grandma Linda treated Abby and I to that March Break phenomenon that is called Disney on Ice. Or as Abby calls it Dis-uh-ney on Ice, also Mickey on Skates, also Dis-uh-ney Skating and Mickey Ice. The tickets were purchased some time ago, but I've been keeping Abby firmly in the dark ever since so I didn't have to listen to "are we going to Mickey Skating today? Huh? Are we Mom?" seven kabillion times in the weeks preceding the big event. I actually wasn't going to tell her anything at all until we got to the arena, but there was one fatal flaw in the plan, I didn't tell Grandma Linda. So Abby found out just a bit earlier than I had intended her too. She may have been a tad excited.



She may have also smiled like this for the remainder of the day. This is the picture I snapped of Grandma Linda and Abby just before we left the house because when I purchased the tickets it clearly said no photographs, video/audio recording etc. And since I am a goody two shoes well brought up young lady, I left my camera at home. Because, you know if I took it I'd be breaking the rules and well we can't have that now can we? The fact that I was the only parent there *NOT* taking pictures is something I'm really not ready to talk about yet*.

The show we saw was Mickey and Minnie's Adventure and included condensed versions of The Lion King, 101 Dalmatians, The Little Mermaid, Peter Pan and Lilo and Stitch. Now this was my first time attending Disney on Ice and wow! They really try and hose you do a great job in offering you ample opportunity to purchase a souvenir(s) for your child. Abby walked away the beyond happy new owner of a Disney on Ice program, colouring book and 101 Dalmations mug which she tells me "will be great for hot chocolate *and* water". She also scored a product that brings two of her favourite things together, a spoon and a straw, a spoon straw with Stitch surfing up the side. Now maybe she'll stop using my measuring spoons to drink her hot chocolate with.

In all seriousness it was a really incredible afternoon. The look on Abby's face when the characters hit the ice was nothing short of amazing. She was entranced. Grandma Linda summed it up perfectly when she said "it would have been worth it at twice the price." Today was one of those mothering moments I find overwhelming, in a good way. Seeing her so happy, having so much fun, well it damn near makes me weepy. Thanks Grandma Linda for the gift.

*I just surfed by the Disney on Ice web site and read that they do allow cameras. Now this is information that would have been helpful YESTERDAY! And yet the site where the tickets were purchased said this: NO CAMERAS OR RECORDERS ARE ALLOWED AT THIS EVENT. Yeah, awesome.

Observing

Today was the day. It was our turn to get a peek into Abby's day at school. Now way, way, way back in the day when I was in kindergarten we used to have parent teacher interviews. Remember attending those? These days it seems Observation Days are the way to go. Or maybe they've been around for a while, how would I know? This school thing is still pretty new to me. So our instructions called for us to be at school for 9 am until 10:30, which is their first nutrition break.

So as if having her Mom and Dad in class wasn't exciting enough, today was Abby's turn to be the "Happy Helper". Her very important duties included doing a head count for attendance, delivering said attendance to the office (after picking a helper to go with her), and posting the weather report on the board. In between all that we got to hear them sing lots of songs, visit their activity centers, and work as a group on phonics and syllables. Her teacher encouraged parent participation during some of the activities which was fine until it was time to do the Macarena, something I've done late at night after a few dozen drinks not stone cold sober at 9:30 in the morning. It was also nice to finally meet all the kids Abby spends so much time talking about. I liked being able to finally put a face to the names she tells me are her "best friends", the one who she says is her boyfriend and the ones she doesn't like much at all.

Towards the end of our time in the classroom her teacher pulled us aside for a short talk about Abby and to give us her very first report card. Abby scored 7 M's and 3 I's. Yeah, I know. Huh? Well the I stands for Independently performs skill. For Abby that is; demonstrates self reliance, attempts new tasks willingly, and adjusts readily to new situations. Those would all be things I still struggle with now and have worked very hard to make sure Abby isn't plagued by my hang ups. So this made me very happy to hear today. Now the M stands for performs the skill most of the time. For Abby that is; follows directions, works independently, cooperates with peers and demonstrates self-control amongst other things.

Her teacher let us know what a pleasure she is to have in the classroom, how enthusiastic she is about being at school and that she can tell how much Abby loves her baby sister (something else that really touched me). Some areas we do need to work on with her are her printing. She's about the middle of the class with that. Also she struggles some days with sitting still and paying attention. This is something her teacher and I have discussed in the past. We have found the worst days follow a rough night of sleep. Abby continues to suffer from night terrors that we do work at trying to keep under control with varying degrees of success since we can never be sure what will trigger one. Also she's a worrier. She expends a lot of energy worrying about what's going on with the other kids in her class. Not in a nosy way or even in a "I want what they have" kind of way. She's genuinely concerned for them. For example when I take her to the bus stop she takes an immediate inventory in regards to who's missing and then the questions start. Where's Tommy Mommy? Is he sick? Is he going to be late? Do you think he's still sleeping? Will he be at school today? And so on. Now that one might be tricky. I'm not exactly sure how I can make her stop caring or even if that's something I want to be doing. I think it's okay if she waits until a little further along in her elementary school career before becoming jaded.

What a save

One of the great things about living with a four year is the non stop hilarity. She's seriously funny almost all the time. One of my favourite things to do is to coach her on stuff to say to her Dad just to make him laugh. What do I teach her? Well things like this....



See, I told you funny stuff.

Anyway a little while ago I suggested to her that she go pinch her Dad on the waist and tell him that she liked his muffin top. Which, as I knew it would, made Michael laugh. Wanting to keep the game going Abby whispered the following directive in my ear..... "Mom, go tell Daddy you like his wiener."

So after I picked my jaw up off the floor, I thought thank you very much ten year old boys who ride her school bus. Then I attempted to have a serious, age appropriate, conversation about the difference between boys and girls, private areas and why it's not polite to talk about somebody's wiener all with a straight face. I thought a good place to straight would be the correct names for the body parts in question. It should have come as no surprise that to a four year old penis and vagina are about the funniest words in the world. So much for our serious conversation. I also may have stressed "never let anyone touch your private areas" too much since a small pat on the bum as she climbed on the couch had her yelling, "Don't touch my area! Mommy said! Mommmmeeee, Daddy was touching my area!"

I have said many times how amazed I am at the amount Abby has learned at school in a short period of time, from both her teacher and her school mates. Something that is not always a blessing. Not when she comes home repeating what she's heard from the older kids, things like loser, stupid and wiener. I have to admit the wiener bit was the icing on the cake. Since then we've really been stressing being respectful and trying to keep the "potty talk" to a minimum.

All of this brings us to our trip downtown for the hockey game last night. Abby, thrilled beyond belief to be going, was talking a mile a minute. Non stop chatter that got sillier and sillier as we got closer to our destination. Not long after she busted out the knock knock jokes she loudly declared to the van, "Daddy has a wiener!" The adults were silent, the only noise Abby's giggles.

"Abby, " I started, somewhat sternly. "We talked about this, when is it appropriate to..."

It was here she interrupted me, "Mom, I was just talking about a hot dog."

And that was a better save than any we saw at the game.

Going solo.

There are some days that being a Mom is so totally overwhelming I can barely stand it and today was one of those days.

Just over a month ago Abby decided she wanted to join the junior choir at church. She wanted to join because a boy she liked had joined. Don't get too worried, she informs me he's just "a good friend". It wasn't long before the boy became bored and stopped coming, but by that time Abby completely enamored with being in the choir. This hasn't been much of a surprise to me since she's always struck me as a pretty musical kid. She loves to sing, songs that she hears at church, songs she hears on the radio and TV (or Daddy's iPod, which she's always asking me if she can borrow), songs from school or just songs she's made up. Sometimes what she makes up is original other times it's words from one song to the tune of another. She takes being in the choir pretty seriously, well I guess as serious as it can get for a four year old. Since she doesn't read yet and practice is only 30 minutes every other week she needs me to help her learn and memorize the songs. That means we sing them over and over and over again. She never complains about having to practice and happily sings along with me whenever I start.

Typically there are 6 kids in the junior choir and Abby is by far the youngest. All the other kids are at least 5 years older than her. This past week only Abby and one other kid showed up for practice. The song for the week was going to be "If You're Happy and You Know It" which had been slightly skewed for the benefit of a church setting. It was a simple enough song that Abby already knew pretty well, which was great news since it appeared that they would be singing a duet.

This morning the duet had shrunk to a solo, the other boy hadn't shown up. Inwardly I panicked a bit, surely they weren't going to make a four year old get up and sing all by herself. But I quickly realized that my reaction was more about me than it was about her. I resolved to not put my fears and inhibitions on her and sat back to see how it was going to work itself out. I certainly wasn't going to force her if she didn't want to sing, but the decision needed to be hers and not mine.

The moment came, they called for the junior choir and Abby, with a grin on her face, marched her way up to the front of the church and got into position. There she stood, smile in place, looking straight back out into the congregation without an ounce of fear. The Minister clipped her mic to the front of Abby's shirt to give her little voice a bit of help. The choir director, wisely, decided to forgo the piano. I'm pretty sure I was holding my breath and then she sang. All four verses. Watching her I was overwhelmed. My heart could have exploded at that moment. I could have put my head in hands and wept. I was so overcome with love and pride. There she was, at four, doing what I could never have done then or now. When her song was over she accepted her applause with a proud smile, skipped back up the aisle to her seat and in doing so ensured that I will never be able to hear When You're Happy and You Know It again without a huge lump in my throat.