Going solo.

There are some days that being a Mom is so totally overwhelming I can barely stand it and today was one of those days.

Just over a month ago Abby decided she wanted to join the junior choir at church. She wanted to join because a boy she liked had joined. Don't get too worried, she informs me he's just "a good friend". It wasn't long before the boy became bored and stopped coming, but by that time Abby completely enamored with being in the choir. This hasn't been much of a surprise to me since she's always struck me as a pretty musical kid. She loves to sing, songs that she hears at church, songs she hears on the radio and TV (or Daddy's iPod, which she's always asking me if she can borrow), songs from school or just songs she's made up. Sometimes what she makes up is original other times it's words from one song to the tune of another. She takes being in the choir pretty seriously, well I guess as serious as it can get for a four year old. Since she doesn't read yet and practice is only 30 minutes every other week she needs me to help her learn and memorize the songs. That means we sing them over and over and over again. She never complains about having to practice and happily sings along with me whenever I start.

Typically there are 6 kids in the junior choir and Abby is by far the youngest. All the other kids are at least 5 years older than her. This past week only Abby and one other kid showed up for practice. The song for the week was going to be "If You're Happy and You Know It" which had been slightly skewed for the benefit of a church setting. It was a simple enough song that Abby already knew pretty well, which was great news since it appeared that they would be singing a duet.

This morning the duet had shrunk to a solo, the other boy hadn't shown up. Inwardly I panicked a bit, surely they weren't going to make a four year old get up and sing all by herself. But I quickly realized that my reaction was more about me than it was about her. I resolved to not put my fears and inhibitions on her and sat back to see how it was going to work itself out. I certainly wasn't going to force her if she didn't want to sing, but the decision needed to be hers and not mine.

The moment came, they called for the junior choir and Abby, with a grin on her face, marched her way up to the front of the church and got into position. There she stood, smile in place, looking straight back out into the congregation without an ounce of fear. The Minister clipped her mic to the front of Abby's shirt to give her little voice a bit of help. The choir director, wisely, decided to forgo the piano. I'm pretty sure I was holding my breath and then she sang. All four verses. Watching her I was overwhelmed. My heart could have exploded at that moment. I could have put my head in hands and wept. I was so overcome with love and pride. There she was, at four, doing what I could never have done then or now. When her song was over she accepted her applause with a proud smile, skipped back up the aisle to her seat and in doing so ensured that I will never be able to hear When You're Happy and You Know It again without a huge lump in my throat.