Two days ago I attended my very last parent council meeting, ever. Next week Maya will "graduate" from her elementary school and head off to middle school in September. Yep, she doesn't want to talk about it. I kinda don't want to talk about it either, because with her leaving, that means I have to leave as well and I am not going to lie, it's a bit of a hard pill to swallow.
I was trying to explain to Abby the other night why I found this transition such an emotional one. I mean I already proved I can survive a child transitioning to middle school, so what's the big deal? I was bumbling my way through an explanation when Mike piped up to hit the nail on the head, "It's where your mother found her voice." And I may have gotten a little weepy because he is 100% right. Really, can you be more right? If so then he's that. So right.
A casual acquaintance suggested that I come out to a council meeting back when Abby was in her second year of kindergarten, that's 11 years ago for those keeping track at home. Let me tell you Shannon, 11 years ago and Shannon now are two completely different people. I'm not actually sure why I thought it was a good idea to go, but went I did. I was quiet as a church mouse back then, with a quiet little life and an incredibly tiny circle of friends.
Over the course of my years on council I held the positions of secretary and for the past 7 or 8 years as Chair or Co-Chair, depending on the year. Over that time I learned how to lead a meeting, take usable minutes, Robert's rules of order, even if we were pretty loosey goosey. I learned how to be organized, how to fundraise, how to organize a fundraiser, how to organize people to organize a fundraiser. I learned to delegate and to always value and respect people's time. I learned how to be a leader, to be encouraging and supportive. I learned that people want to be heard, acknowledged and appreciated. I learned that a difference in opinion is not an attack. That you can still be friends, but see things from completely opposite sides. I learned how to voice my own opinion and that it had value. I learned all of these things and I continue to learn all of these things because I am far from perfect at any of it.
And I made friends, guys. I made such terrific and amazing friends. Some who were teachers, Principals and fellow parents. Friends I have shared a few tears, a lot of laughs, drinks, meals, quick chats, long talks, text messages, GIFs, massive thumbs up and the #rubelife with. Friends who have picked up my kids or who have allowed me to watch and feed their little ones. Friends who have employed my kid as a babysitter, invited us to parties, movie nights, and a bunch more fun things.
My attending that first meeting was a true tipping point in my life.Without that first meeting, Jammie Movie Nights wouldn't have been a thing and without that there would be no Jersey Girls. No endless hours of walking, bonding and none of the over $50,000 that we have donated to cancer research, medical equipment and programs over the years. I wouldn't be involved with the organizations that I am and certainly not in the positions I now find myself in. I wouldn't be leading youth with really great friends. I wouldn't be helping plan community events. I would've missed out on countless coffee dates, lunch dates, backyard wine sipping and a bazillion other super fun things.
As we wound up my very last meeting the other afternoon some very sweet things were said about my time on council and I did my very best to not become a weepy mess as I listened. While their kind words were about the mark I have left during my time at the school, I was completely wrapped up in the mark that time has left on me. The people and experiences it has brought to my life. My take away from it is to always choose kind, be helpful, take a small second to really listen, because you have no idea what impact you are having on another human being, what encouragement you are sharing, that you might be a cheerleader without even realizing it. I found a community and a version of myself I was not expecting to find and I thank them all from the very bottom of my heart for such an amazing gift. Much love.
Showing posts with label It's All About Me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label It's All About Me. Show all posts
Thursday, June 21, 2018
Sunday, January 28, 2018
bullet journals and me
So bullet journaling. Yep, I drank the kool aid. For me though, it really is a total game changer. I am not going to show you my lay outs. Sorry gang, no bujo porn here. Mine are 100% completely utilitarian and 0% pretty. Don't get me wrong, I love a pretty bujo (oh yeah I totally use all the lingo) layout. I obsess over them even. Half my instagram follows are bullet journalers, the other half remains food, bakeries and restaurants, so don't worry, same old Shanny here. My only attempt at pretty is some ink joy pens, fine line markers and an assortment of highlighters.
I had heard about bullet journals a lot around the net, as I am sure most of you have as well. It's right up there with being a vegan and/or into crossfit/orange theory fitness. If you're hooked you want the whole world to know. I didn't full appreciate what a bullet journal was or how to make it an effective tool in your life. The very first article I read that made this whole craze make sense was this one.
Yes, we already have a huge calendar on the fridge. That is more a whole family tool. Lets everyone know what is going on and coming up for the month and months ahead. A quick glance can tell the kids which weekend Dad is working. Or Mom who's pay week we are at. Who has a late night at school, who has a meeting, who has a dentist appointment. All that fun busy family stuff.
Yes, I have a calendar on my phone. Which is a carbon copy of the one on the fridge. It's an on the go version. So when I am out and about and someone says are you free next Tuesday for such and such I can give them an answer right away.
Both of those are very effective organizational tools that I use on the daily, but they weren't quite cutting it. I have tried many things to help get me more organize. I mean, we fall into what can be described as a fairly typical dynamic of me, the mom, being the family CEO, which I am happy to do, but it is easy to lose yourself in that role. As I have gotten older (and far cooler if you are asking me) and my kids are getting older and requiring less of me in a hands on type of way. They feed, clean and dress themselves now. Heck sometimes they even feed me! That hands more free time back to me and I am attempting to fill it up with a lot of super fun and pretty cool things. The problem was, I was feeling disorganized and with not enough time to get to all the things I really wanted to get to. Obviously the very most important and time sensitive stuff got too, but a lot of other stuff would slide to the wayside. Things like laundry, dusting, yoga, drinking enough water and washing my own face. Not to mention, just a general half assing of a lot of things.
Enter the bullet journal. I use a standard lined notebook, because that is what I had on hand. I list my daily, must do items across the top, things like drinking my water, getting my steps in and taking my supplements. The "to do" lists changes daily with things like emails I need to answer, 30 minute walk with my walking buddy, social media posts for our charity group, a plan to do a face mask, change the sheets or write this blog post. Writing these lists helps me to better organize my plan of attack. I have an easier time stringing tasks together in the most efficient pattern. It also encourages me to tackle these little tasks that I might set aside because I have to leave the house in 30 minutes, even though the task will only take 6 minutes to complete.
I am not going to lie, I do slide right off the band wagon from time to time. When things get extra hectic around here, it's usually the first thing I stop focusing on, which is a total mistake and I always regret it because I less feel like I get less accomplished and that just makes me angry. So my goal for 2018 is just to be better with it. Anybody out there drinking the bujo kool aid?
I had heard about bullet journals a lot around the net, as I am sure most of you have as well. It's right up there with being a vegan and/or into crossfit/orange theory fitness. If you're hooked you want the whole world to know. I didn't full appreciate what a bullet journal was or how to make it an effective tool in your life. The very first article I read that made this whole craze make sense was this one.
Yes, we already have a huge calendar on the fridge. That is more a whole family tool. Lets everyone know what is going on and coming up for the month and months ahead. A quick glance can tell the kids which weekend Dad is working. Or Mom who's pay week we are at. Who has a late night at school, who has a meeting, who has a dentist appointment. All that fun busy family stuff.
Yes, I have a calendar on my phone. Which is a carbon copy of the one on the fridge. It's an on the go version. So when I am out and about and someone says are you free next Tuesday for such and such I can give them an answer right away.
Both of those are very effective organizational tools that I use on the daily, but they weren't quite cutting it. I have tried many things to help get me more organize. I mean, we fall into what can be described as a fairly typical dynamic of me, the mom, being the family CEO, which I am happy to do, but it is easy to lose yourself in that role. As I have gotten older (and far cooler if you are asking me) and my kids are getting older and requiring less of me in a hands on type of way. They feed, clean and dress themselves now. Heck sometimes they even feed me! That hands more free time back to me and I am attempting to fill it up with a lot of super fun and pretty cool things. The problem was, I was feeling disorganized and with not enough time to get to all the things I really wanted to get to. Obviously the very most important and time sensitive stuff got too, but a lot of other stuff would slide to the wayside. Things like laundry, dusting, yoga, drinking enough water and washing my own face. Not to mention, just a general half assing of a lot of things.
Enter the bullet journal. I use a standard lined notebook, because that is what I had on hand. I list my daily, must do items across the top, things like drinking my water, getting my steps in and taking my supplements. The "to do" lists changes daily with things like emails I need to answer, 30 minute walk with my walking buddy, social media posts for our charity group, a plan to do a face mask, change the sheets or write this blog post. Writing these lists helps me to better organize my plan of attack. I have an easier time stringing tasks together in the most efficient pattern. It also encourages me to tackle these little tasks that I might set aside because I have to leave the house in 30 minutes, even though the task will only take 6 minutes to complete.
I am not going to lie, I do slide right off the band wagon from time to time. When things get extra hectic around here, it's usually the first thing I stop focusing on, which is a total mistake and I always regret it because I less feel like I get less accomplished and that just makes me angry. So my goal for 2018 is just to be better with it. Anybody out there drinking the bujo kool aid?
Thursday, August 18, 2016
my happy little tree
It can be easy sometimes to let the petty little annoyances that come along with day to day life to pile up. When they roll over you spaced too close together it can be hard to shake them off. I was having a few days like that. Most of my nearest and dearest will tell you I am fairly easy going and don't really sweat the small stuff. Sure, I may grumble about the shopper hogging up 77% of the aisle while I am shopping, but you can bet your bottom dollar and I had a warm smile and a genuine, "no, no, that's okay" for the poor soul when I finally am able to maneuver my way around them.
So I had a couple of days where I was using the hashtag #ShannyHatesEveryone, pretty liberally and by liberally I mean I used it in a text to Mike and another one to my compound wife, TC. I was full of grumbling and cursing and really just hating everyone-ish, which Mike always finds hysterical in the beginning, as it is out of character for me.Lest you think I am a saint, the last two days have proven I can be as cutting and cold as the next asshole. It's when this behaviour ticks past the 24 hour mark that Mike begins to get nervous. Usually that's when things start to turn around on their own anyway. I have far too much amazing in my life to be down for long, but this time was different.
It may have been because the kids were out of town, so I had no one to model good behaviour for and having celebrated 20 lovely married years with Michael this week..... well he's seen all the bad parts already and still likes me, so I was free to let it off the chain for a while, but it wasn't enjoyable at all. It just isn't me. In the midst of all the angry-ness I got a last minute-ish invite to one of those paint nights. You know the thing, at the bar and then you paint a picture. My default was to say no.... because you know #ShannyHatesEveryone, but I knew I really needed to say yes.
The state of things by Paint Nite, were not much better. I may have told Mike I "wasn't fit for public consumption" at which he laughed.... nervously, and suggested maybe I should cancel. It was a highly appealing thought, but I soldiered on.
This is my, "Oh my Gawd, I can't paint that" face.
The other girls in our group could paint that...
Turns out I could too!
More importantly I had a super fun and great night out with some of my favourite chicks and totally rewired my thinking. Just the break from myself that I knew I needed. Thanks so much for the invite you lovely gals!
So I had a couple of days where I was using the hashtag #ShannyHatesEveryone, pretty liberally and by liberally I mean I used it in a text to Mike and another one to my compound wife, TC. I was full of grumbling and cursing and really just hating everyone-ish, which Mike always finds hysterical in the beginning, as it is out of character for me.Lest you think I am a saint, the last two days have proven I can be as cutting and cold as the next asshole. It's when this behaviour ticks past the 24 hour mark that Mike begins to get nervous. Usually that's when things start to turn around on their own anyway. I have far too much amazing in my life to be down for long, but this time was different.
It may have been because the kids were out of town, so I had no one to model good behaviour for and having celebrated 20 lovely married years with Michael this week..... well he's seen all the bad parts already and still likes me, so I was free to let it off the chain for a while, but it wasn't enjoyable at all. It just isn't me. In the midst of all the angry-ness I got a last minute-ish invite to one of those paint nights. You know the thing, at the bar and then you paint a picture. My default was to say no.... because you know #ShannyHatesEveryone, but I knew I really needed to say yes.
The state of things by Paint Nite, were not much better. I may have told Mike I "wasn't fit for public consumption" at which he laughed.... nervously, and suggested maybe I should cancel. It was a highly appealing thought, but I soldiered on.
This is my, "Oh my Gawd, I can't paint that" face.
The other girls in our group could paint that...
Turns out I could too!
More importantly I had a super fun and great night out with some of my favourite chicks and totally rewired my thinking. Just the break from myself that I knew I needed. Thanks so much for the invite you lovely gals!
Tuesday, March 08, 2016
international women's day
Happy International Women's Day y'all.
This "holiday" was getting a lot of play on social media today as things like this tend to these days. I will admit IWD was not something I thought a lot about until I heard the following on the radio this morning..... In honour of IWD who is a woman who has influenced you?
Well the long answer is lots of them in various little ways, but then I spent the day thinking about who the biggest ones were.
My Mom. Obviously. Cliche, sure, but also very true. If my Mom taught me one thing I would have to say it was to tie my shoes........ kidding, but she did do that too. No I think the most valuable thing is that life is going to be shitty sometimes, but you can't use that as an excuse or a crutch or a free pass to act like an asshole. And those sucky moments, they don't define you. They are a part of your history, but they aren't you.
My Grandma. My Mom's mom. At her knee I saw what unconditional love was in the truest sense. She also taught me that loving someone doesn't mean always liking them and/or what they are doing. Also life is shitty sometimes, it's better to handle it with grace (wonder where my Mom got it from).
Auntie KK. She taught me that you can do for others for only so long and then you have to take care of yourself. And if you're smart you'll keep those scales balanced before it becomes a problem.
ML. She let me ride her coat tails when we first met, the whole time showing me the person I could be.
Grateful for those ladies and their influence in my life thus far is a true understatement. I don't have enough words to adequately thank them for the gifts they are to me.
This "holiday" was getting a lot of play on social media today as things like this tend to these days. I will admit IWD was not something I thought a lot about until I heard the following on the radio this morning..... In honour of IWD who is a woman who has influenced you?
Well the long answer is lots of them in various little ways, but then I spent the day thinking about who the biggest ones were.
My Mom. Obviously. Cliche, sure, but also very true. If my Mom taught me one thing I would have to say it was to tie my shoes........ kidding, but she did do that too. No I think the most valuable thing is that life is going to be shitty sometimes, but you can't use that as an excuse or a crutch or a free pass to act like an asshole. And those sucky moments, they don't define you. They are a part of your history, but they aren't you.
My Grandma. My Mom's mom. At her knee I saw what unconditional love was in the truest sense. She also taught me that loving someone doesn't mean always liking them and/or what they are doing. Also life is shitty sometimes, it's better to handle it with grace (wonder where my Mom got it from).
Auntie KK. She taught me that you can do for others for only so long and then you have to take care of yourself. And if you're smart you'll keep those scales balanced before it becomes a problem.
ML. She let me ride her coat tails when we first met, the whole time showing me the person I could be.
Grateful for those ladies and their influence in my life thus far is a true understatement. I don't have enough words to adequately thank them for the gifts they are to me.
Tuesday, February 02, 2016
not enough time in the day
These days I seem to have more fun stuff to do then there are hours in the day. It is not a bad problem to have, really. The kids are older and maybe don't need the near constant hands on care that they did as infants/toddlers, but they need my time in other ways like homework I can just barely understand. What the heck is this new math they are doing anyway?
I have said before that life would be grand if I could figure out how to go without sleep. Ha! As if crawling into my bed at the end of the day isn't a treat in itself, but if I could somehow figure out how to gain myself a few extra hours in the day I could spend them on...
Catching up on Netflix, Suits! The Mindy Project! Brooklyn 99! Nashville. Friday Night Lights. The Office. Greys and about a million documentaries.
Colouring, that octopus is never going to get finished at this rate.
Reading. All The Light We Cannot See is a beautiful book that needs quiet and a mug of tea to truly be appreciated.
Plants vs Zombies because of course. Can't miss out on the pinata party.
Blogging!
And finally more time for drinks with friends!
What would you spend your extra hours on if you had them?
I have said before that life would be grand if I could figure out how to go without sleep. Ha! As if crawling into my bed at the end of the day isn't a treat in itself, but if I could somehow figure out how to gain myself a few extra hours in the day I could spend them on...
Catching up on Netflix, Suits! The Mindy Project! Brooklyn 99! Nashville. Friday Night Lights. The Office. Greys and about a million documentaries.
Colouring, that octopus is never going to get finished at this rate.
Reading. All The Light We Cannot See is a beautiful book that needs quiet and a mug of tea to truly be appreciated.
Plants vs Zombies because of course. Can't miss out on the pinata party.
Blogging!
And finally more time for drinks with friends!
What would you spend your extra hours on if you had them?
Sunday, January 04, 2015
the year of
Well I have been turning 2015 over and over in my head. I liked the idea of picking one small word to describe the new year. I mean the 2013 Year of AWESOME was amazeballs! The 2014, not so much maybe, but that was more because I lost my way just a little bit. It happens to the best of us, right? Anyway, the more time I spent thinking about 2015 the more this one word kept popping up in my head...... more.
What the heck does that mean? The more time I spent thinking about the word more the clearer it became.
More moving. I'm going to attempt to accumulate 3.65 million steps this year. I'm 30,000+ steps in already this year. Go me! More yoga, the goal is 52 yoga sessions this year. More running. I miss running, so why did I stop? Well where I run has been in the news a little bit around these parts and not in a good way. Not exactly where I run, but the same trail system. On my last solo run, while 2+ kms from home I had a panic attack. It was mild, all things considered, and I was able to talk/breathe/run my way through it and get back home, but it scared the ever loving crap out of me. So the goal for this year is to figure out a new way to run that won't potentially trigger a panic attack. This will involve my running buddy as well as finding a new route. This anxiety thing is a work in progress.
More blogging! Can you believe that January marks 10 years of blogging here in Blogmotherland! Who would have thought it? I actually didn't even realize it myself until I digging back through the archives for something and I noticed the drop down menu went all the way back to 2005. So there shall be more old school blogging, who knows I may even bring some old favourites out of retirement.
There shall be more time with friends, more game nights, and more cooking (my cooking has gotten booooring). I want to get more on top of the laundry (laundry is the bane of my existence). I want to raise more money for the causes that are important to me and I want more organization at home (this will be the year of the walk in pantry I swear!!) to help us achieve all of the above.
And the biggest, more love. For you, for me, for my girls and Michael, for my family and friends. I want to sweat the small stuff a little bit less then I did this past year. More fun, more laughs... you get the idea.
So here's to all of you and to 2015, the year of MORE!
What the heck does that mean? The more time I spent thinking about the word more the clearer it became.
More moving. I'm going to attempt to accumulate 3.65 million steps this year. I'm 30,000+ steps in already this year. Go me! More yoga, the goal is 52 yoga sessions this year. More running. I miss running, so why did I stop? Well where I run has been in the news a little bit around these parts and not in a good way. Not exactly where I run, but the same trail system. On my last solo run, while 2+ kms from home I had a panic attack. It was mild, all things considered, and I was able to talk/breathe/run my way through it and get back home, but it scared the ever loving crap out of me. So the goal for this year is to figure out a new way to run that won't potentially trigger a panic attack. This will involve my running buddy as well as finding a new route. This anxiety thing is a work in progress.
More blogging! Can you believe that January marks 10 years of blogging here in Blogmotherland! Who would have thought it? I actually didn't even realize it myself until I digging back through the archives for something and I noticed the drop down menu went all the way back to 2005. So there shall be more old school blogging, who knows I may even bring some old favourites out of retirement.
There shall be more time with friends, more game nights, and more cooking (my cooking has gotten booooring). I want to get more on top of the laundry (laundry is the bane of my existence). I want to raise more money for the causes that are important to me and I want more organization at home (this will be the year of the walk in pantry I swear!!) to help us achieve all of the above.
And the biggest, more love. For you, for me, for my girls and Michael, for my family and friends. I want to sweat the small stuff a little bit less then I did this past year. More fun, more laughs... you get the idea.
So here's to all of you and to 2015, the year of MORE!
Thursday, January 01, 2015
2015
We started 2015 off right here in Blogmotherland. With a nice sleep in for everyone. Not surprisingly Abby was the first one up and Maya the last, but she made it just in time for brunch. Chocolate chip pancakes and bacon for them, eggs benny for us! See what I'm saying. Of course there was laundry and tidying to deal with, but there was still time for a couple of teeny cat naps and an episode or two of Hell on Wheels. Most of the Christmas gifts have been put away, but the Christmas puzzle is still here driving me mental. Lest you think it was complete slothfulness around here, I did manage to get in my 10,000 steps today, first day in a little 2015 project I'm working on. I actually have a list of goals that you'll have to wait until tomorrow for the big unveiling!
Happy 2015 y'all
Happy 2015 y'all
Saturday, October 18, 2014
going to the chapel
Things got wee bit cray cray here the other night. It all started when both girls hollered for me to come upstairs. I found both standing in my room with their hands full of slowly yellowing white satin and huge grins on their face. "Look what we found!!!!"
My wedding dress.
It's just been chilling in the back of my closet for the past eighteen years. They took turns trying it on, but wouldn't let me take pictures. Abby, being almost as tall as me, fit into it a little better than Maya, who was pretty much drowning in all that material. Of course they had a zillion questions..... Why are these shoulders so big. It's so heavy, how did you wear this all day? I'm already sweating, was it really hot when you got married? (FYI It was. So. Hot.) And then......
Hey Mom, you should try it on. Ummm. I stalled. This could be very good for the ole ego or really horrible. In the end I was kind of curious myself. In the past eighteen years I've had a couple of kids, gained some weight, lost some, gained, lost..... you get the idea.
All I can say is phew...... my ego was saved. On *and* zipped up.
You certainly don't see dresses like this on Say Yes to the Dress.
My wedding dress.
It's just been chilling in the back of my closet for the past eighteen years. They took turns trying it on, but wouldn't let me take pictures. Abby, being almost as tall as me, fit into it a little better than Maya, who was pretty much drowning in all that material. Of course they had a zillion questions..... Why are these shoulders so big. It's so heavy, how did you wear this all day? I'm already sweating, was it really hot when you got married? (FYI It was. So. Hot.) And then......
Hey Mom, you should try it on. Ummm. I stalled. This could be very good for the ole ego or really horrible. In the end I was kind of curious myself. In the past eighteen years I've had a couple of kids, gained some weight, lost some, gained, lost..... you get the idea.
All I can say is phew...... my ego was saved. On *and* zipped up.
You certainly don't see dresses like this on Say Yes to the Dress.
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
thankful
If we're friends on facebook or you're following me on instagram and/or twitter... and really, why wouldn't you be?..... then you know that I spent last Thursday posting an hourly photo to document one of my biggest volunteer days of the year.... judging day at the fair. Well, truly, it was almost hourly. There were a couple hours in there where I kind of lost track of the time as we put the finishing touches on everything.
The pictures probably don't do the amount of work it is justice, but trust me when I say it is so so so much work. This I where I excel as a leader (I think, kinda, sorta), I surround myself with the very best people and I delegate, delegate, delegate. I am so lucky to have such an amazing committee at my disposal. Ladies that create beautiful displays out of the incredible art work the kids submit. Ladies that organize my paper work for me. Guys to lug the heavy stuff and work the power tools. Members who record hundreds of lines of data by hand and attach hundreds of ribbons. Fine folks who help me handle, literally, thousands of pieces of art work including that blasted lego which is so fun and lovely to look at, but gives me an anxiety attack when I have to move it. I may or may not have spent part of Thursday re-building lego projects. I pray to God I got it back together correctly, my apologies if I was off by a block or two. We tackled some big projects this year, new skirting and updating some cabinets with fresh paint and again I had lovely folks to help me get these done as well. I do this because I never get enough of seeing how excited the kids are to see their work up on the walls and out on the tables and I appreciate the team that enjoys it all with me. It's a lot of work, yes, but when you have such a fun group and share as many laughs as we do, well it hardly seems like work at all.
Outside of that work is the rest of my life that I need to keep going while I work on this and I cannot do that without family and friends. Grandmas who fold my towels and get my kids to and from school and riding lessons. Grandmas who let me drop my kiddos off on nights where there is another work bee. Kids who pitch it at work bees and put up with toast and eggs for dinner and laundry that never gets folded. My family (Mom, Linda, Dad, Linda, Mike, Abby & Maya) who are active committee members for months helping put this together. Many thanks go to Mike who's cooking more dinners, signing more agendas, making more lunches and trying to help out with more homework while I buried myself in pre-fair preparations and now post-fair paperwork. If you need me I'll be tied to my laptop for the foreseeable future.
There are my fair friends who help me out when they can and pop by and say hi or the building looks great. Ones who loan the use of their horse trailer so Abby gets her club achievement. Ones that borrow space and who are kind in ways I never expect just because they can be. Friends that work just as hard as I do on their committees getting their area of the fair ready, but are still ready with a smile and a joke. I spent this past weekend talking an interacting with these people in a way I never have before. I was happier, more relaxed and.... dare I say it.... even outgoing. It's something that strikes me after the moment has passed, just a second of wow, how did I get to be this person while knowing that all of them and all of this has played it's part. This whole gig just sort of worked it's way naturally into my lap and I am so grateful it did.
The pictures probably don't do the amount of work it is justice, but trust me when I say it is so so so much work. This I where I excel as a leader (I think, kinda, sorta), I surround myself with the very best people and I delegate, delegate, delegate. I am so lucky to have such an amazing committee at my disposal. Ladies that create beautiful displays out of the incredible art work the kids submit. Ladies that organize my paper work for me. Guys to lug the heavy stuff and work the power tools. Members who record hundreds of lines of data by hand and attach hundreds of ribbons. Fine folks who help me handle, literally, thousands of pieces of art work including that blasted lego which is so fun and lovely to look at, but gives me an anxiety attack when I have to move it. I may or may not have spent part of Thursday re-building lego projects. I pray to God I got it back together correctly, my apologies if I was off by a block or two. We tackled some big projects this year, new skirting and updating some cabinets with fresh paint and again I had lovely folks to help me get these done as well. I do this because I never get enough of seeing how excited the kids are to see their work up on the walls and out on the tables and I appreciate the team that enjoys it all with me. It's a lot of work, yes, but when you have such a fun group and share as many laughs as we do, well it hardly seems like work at all.
Outside of that work is the rest of my life that I need to keep going while I work on this and I cannot do that without family and friends. Grandmas who fold my towels and get my kids to and from school and riding lessons. Grandmas who let me drop my kiddos off on nights where there is another work bee. Kids who pitch it at work bees and put up with toast and eggs for dinner and laundry that never gets folded. My family (Mom, Linda, Dad, Linda, Mike, Abby & Maya) who are active committee members for months helping put this together. Many thanks go to Mike who's cooking more dinners, signing more agendas, making more lunches and trying to help out with more homework while I buried myself in pre-fair preparations and now post-fair paperwork. If you need me I'll be tied to my laptop for the foreseeable future.
There are my fair friends who help me out when they can and pop by and say hi or the building looks great. Ones who loan the use of their horse trailer so Abby gets her club achievement. Ones that borrow space and who are kind in ways I never expect just because they can be. Friends that work just as hard as I do on their committees getting their area of the fair ready, but are still ready with a smile and a joke. I spent this past weekend talking an interacting with these people in a way I never have before. I was happier, more relaxed and.... dare I say it.... even outgoing. It's something that strikes me after the moment has passed, just a second of wow, how did I get to be this person while knowing that all of them and all of this has played it's part. This whole gig just sort of worked it's way naturally into my lap and I am so grateful it did.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
yep, i'm that boring
I may be the boringest person on the planet and if you don't believe me... please keep reading. You see my bloggy friend, Merry was asking on her blog today... If you could love anywhere in the world, where would you live?
I gave it some thought. And then I thought about it some more. There are some amazing places out there in the world, but if I'm being completely honest I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. I know that's unbelievable to a lot of people. Well maybe the next town over. A couple of friends and I have plans to buy side by side by side mansions and live compound style. But with house prices being what they are none of us will realize that dream anytime soon.
The thing with me is, my family is my entire world. And when I talk family I'm talking bigger than Mike and my kids. Our parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, our friends and so on. I couldn't leave any of them behind. Of course in an ideal world they'd all pack up and move with us to The WCN's part of the world, but that is just as unlikely as the side by side by side mansion dream. The other thing is I live my life in such a completely different way that I have for the past forty years that right now it feels like a brand new place and I love it.
Where would you live if you could live anywhere?
I gave it some thought. And then I thought about it some more. There are some amazing places out there in the world, but if I'm being completely honest I wouldn't want to live anywhere else. I know that's unbelievable to a lot of people. Well maybe the next town over. A couple of friends and I have plans to buy side by side by side mansions and live compound style. But with house prices being what they are none of us will realize that dream anytime soon.
The thing with me is, my family is my entire world. And when I talk family I'm talking bigger than Mike and my kids. Our parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, our friends and so on. I couldn't leave any of them behind. Of course in an ideal world they'd all pack up and move with us to The WCN's part of the world, but that is just as unlikely as the side by side by side mansion dream. The other thing is I live my life in such a completely different way that I have for the past forty years that right now it feels like a brand new place and I love it.
Where would you live if you could live anywhere?
Thursday, February 13, 2014
a bad ass i am not
Recently a friend from work and I were trading stories from our teen years. He was telling me about how he used to skip school and then trick his Mom into signing a note to explain the absence the next day to avoid detention. We laughed and then it was my turn.......
Now here is where I destroy all of my imaginary street cred..... When Uncle Dave and I were kids my Mom more or less stayed home with us. Of course once my Dad passed away that well and truly had to change. Her work day started before our school day and of course there was more than one instance of Dave or I needing a note written for something after she had left for work. So just like a million single mothers before her, she got creative and left a few signed, blank notes. So should we need a note from Mom, we could just fill in the info above her signature and Bob's your Uncle. Can you imagine? That's like the Holy Grail to a teenager and I never once used it for anything "outside of the law". I had the golden ticket and I never once skipped school and used it. Never ever. My friend was incredulous. He couldn't believe that I had wasted such a glorious opportunity and he laughed at me for far longer then what could be considered polite. What can I say... just worrying about getting in trouble was more than enough for me.
Now here is where I destroy all of my imaginary street cred..... When Uncle Dave and I were kids my Mom more or less stayed home with us. Of course once my Dad passed away that well and truly had to change. Her work day started before our school day and of course there was more than one instance of Dave or I needing a note written for something after she had left for work. So just like a million single mothers before her, she got creative and left a few signed, blank notes. So should we need a note from Mom, we could just fill in the info above her signature and Bob's your Uncle. Can you imagine? That's like the Holy Grail to a teenager and I never once used it for anything "outside of the law". I had the golden ticket and I never once skipped school and used it. Never ever. My friend was incredulous. He couldn't believe that I had wasted such a glorious opportunity and he laughed at me for far longer then what could be considered polite. What can I say... just worrying about getting in trouble was more than enough for me.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
wow...
Well that was just lovely and unexpected. Yesterday's post in honour of #BellLetsTalk day came really easy off my fingertips. It's always nice to write with that much ease, but what all of you gave back to me...... well I'm not sure I have the words to describe it. You're all so sweet and kind. To have people say I'm inspiring to them is not something I take lightly. I am deeply touched by the sentiment and I try hard to live up that ideal. On the flip side I can't help, but be baffled by it because honestly if you're asking me I'm not doing anything overly remarkable. I'm not ending world hunger or curing cancer, but I'm doing my very best to make the world a little bit better where I can.
The last couple of years has been a beautiful adventure that I never could have imagined for myself. Thank you all so much for sharing it with me. xo
The last couple of years has been a beautiful adventure that I never could have imagined for myself. Thank you all so much for sharing it with me. xo
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
#BellLetsTalk
I remember sitting in the backyard at my mother-in-law's. The rest of the family was playing a game of baseball using one of those plastic bat and ball sets that are so popular at dollar stores. There was much laughing and trash talking. And there I sat, by myself, at the picnic table. My sister-in-law was across the lawn from me, making her way back into the game. She paused and attempted to make eye contact with me, beckoning me to come play. I pretended I couldn't see her. Yes, that's what I did. I just ignored her because I was incapable of getting up and joining in the fun.
Mike got his sisters later in life, he was sixteen and so were they. We were not all instant friends. This baseball game was early on in their blended family relationship and I was already making a muck up of it because how do you form a connection with someone like that? Here she was inviting me to join the fun and instead I pretended I didn't even see her. She gave up eventually. Obviously. Why wouldn't you? At the time she didn't know me from Adam and I'm sure even she wasn't completely sold on the idea of investing in these new relationships.
My life is made up of a million of those types of stories. Stories in which I behave, seemingly, like an asshole (if I was lucky. A lot of the time I came off bitchy) because whatever I had going on inside my brain didn't allow me to be comfortable within myself. You'd have to wonder how I ended up with any friends at all. I'd like to send a very heartfelt thank you to those of you who pushed through all that stuff I had up and in the way to be my friend. I used to "joke" that I made you work to be friends with me and while the "joke" had more than a sliver of truth to it, I promise that wasn't by design. If I could have been any different I would have. So really thanks for taking a chance on me because if you hadn't pushed it, I certainly wouldn't have. Y'all know who you are.
Mental illness is not something I spend a lot of time discussing with other people. I mean if I was incapable of saying hello to someone I certainly wasn't about to offer up how I would stay up hours later then I should just because my anxiety went off the charts when I climbed into bed. My Dad was bipolar and committed suicide and yet on my hospital paperwork when I had the girls when they asked about a history of mental illness in the family I answered none because I didn't want to that to be my label. I realize that was stupid because the concern is postpartum depression and I knew that at the time, but I felt people would be watching me even closer once they found that out. When I meet someone new I usually skirt the Dad death question the best I can when and if it comes up because people are usually so incredibly sorry they asked and then it becomes an awkward moment of me very brightly assuring them that everything is okay, that I'm fine with it when I'm not truly fine. I live with it because that is the realty of things, but I will never been fine with it because it's not fine. It's not okay. He should be here. I don't know what has to change to keep this sort of thing from happening to other families, but just simply talking about it has to be a good start, right?
I am one of the lucky ones. My feelings of anxiety are lower then they ever have been before in my life. That is something I am still adjusting to. I can chair meetings and make new friends and sit through volunteer screening interviews and I barely break a sweat. I climb into bed and just fall asleep. No more staying up to the point of exhaustion and then reading until I fell asleep with the book in my hand. I presented an award to a couple of kids at the school in front of a room full of people. I was in a flash mob! My life is big and full and wonderful. I mean my life has always been wonderful, but this is just an easier kind of wonderful. That Shannon that ignored her sister-in-law all those years ago does not exist anymore. I have learned, the hard way, that I'm not "cured", living like this takes work. I need to be good to myself. I need to run and write and drink my water. I need sleep and game nights and volunteering and I need my friends. I read a book recently about the power of friendship and how important it is to a woman's overall health. My social circle is the largest it's ever been in my life and I credit it very heavily with how mentally healthy I feel. From my closest friends to work friends to volunteering friends to neighbours to friends who I've never met in person you all give something very important to my life and I thank you all for that.
Be good to each other, you never can tell what someone else is living with. Be patient. Be empathetic. Take a chance on the quiet bitchy girl in the corner. Mike's sisters did and I am so thankful for them.
Much love.
Mike got his sisters later in life, he was sixteen and so were they. We were not all instant friends. This baseball game was early on in their blended family relationship and I was already making a muck up of it because how do you form a connection with someone like that? Here she was inviting me to join the fun and instead I pretended I didn't even see her. She gave up eventually. Obviously. Why wouldn't you? At the time she didn't know me from Adam and I'm sure even she wasn't completely sold on the idea of investing in these new relationships.
My life is made up of a million of those types of stories. Stories in which I behave, seemingly, like an asshole (if I was lucky. A lot of the time I came off bitchy) because whatever I had going on inside my brain didn't allow me to be comfortable within myself. You'd have to wonder how I ended up with any friends at all. I'd like to send a very heartfelt thank you to those of you who pushed through all that stuff I had up and in the way to be my friend. I used to "joke" that I made you work to be friends with me and while the "joke" had more than a sliver of truth to it, I promise that wasn't by design. If I could have been any different I would have. So really thanks for taking a chance on me because if you hadn't pushed it, I certainly wouldn't have. Y'all know who you are.
Mental illness is not something I spend a lot of time discussing with other people. I mean if I was incapable of saying hello to someone I certainly wasn't about to offer up how I would stay up hours later then I should just because my anxiety went off the charts when I climbed into bed. My Dad was bipolar and committed suicide and yet on my hospital paperwork when I had the girls when they asked about a history of mental illness in the family I answered none because I didn't want to that to be my label. I realize that was stupid because the concern is postpartum depression and I knew that at the time, but I felt people would be watching me even closer once they found that out. When I meet someone new I usually skirt the Dad death question the best I can when and if it comes up because people are usually so incredibly sorry they asked and then it becomes an awkward moment of me very brightly assuring them that everything is okay, that I'm fine with it when I'm not truly fine. I live with it because that is the realty of things, but I will never been fine with it because it's not fine. It's not okay. He should be here. I don't know what has to change to keep this sort of thing from happening to other families, but just simply talking about it has to be a good start, right?
I am one of the lucky ones. My feelings of anxiety are lower then they ever have been before in my life. That is something I am still adjusting to. I can chair meetings and make new friends and sit through volunteer screening interviews and I barely break a sweat. I climb into bed and just fall asleep. No more staying up to the point of exhaustion and then reading until I fell asleep with the book in my hand. I presented an award to a couple of kids at the school in front of a room full of people. I was in a flash mob! My life is big and full and wonderful. I mean my life has always been wonderful, but this is just an easier kind of wonderful. That Shannon that ignored her sister-in-law all those years ago does not exist anymore. I have learned, the hard way, that I'm not "cured", living like this takes work. I need to be good to myself. I need to run and write and drink my water. I need sleep and game nights and volunteering and I need my friends. I read a book recently about the power of friendship and how important it is to a woman's overall health. My social circle is the largest it's ever been in my life and I credit it very heavily with how mentally healthy I feel. From my closest friends to work friends to volunteering friends to neighbours to friends who I've never met in person you all give something very important to my life and I thank you all for that.
Be good to each other, you never can tell what someone else is living with. Be patient. Be empathetic. Take a chance on the quiet bitchy girl in the corner. Mike's sisters did and I am so thankful for them.
Much love.
Friday, January 17, 2014
i made it
This week was a marathon I tell ya. I didn't even have that much on my plate. Just one little meeting. But here it is finally Friday and I couldn't have gotten through this week without...
1. Vitamin C citrus flavoured halls.
2. Buckets of green tea.
3. My jammies
4. The Property Brothers and Big Bang Theory reruns
5. Watching TV in bed.
Happy weekend!
1. Vitamin C citrus flavoured halls.
2. Buckets of green tea.
3. My jammies
4. The Property Brothers and Big Bang Theory reruns
5. Watching TV in bed.
Happy weekend!
Friday, December 27, 2013
pink
This is certainly not how I envisioned wrapping up the year of awesome with pink eye in both eyes that has forced me to cancel my trip to have a belated Christmas dinner with the World's Cutest Nephew and his equally awesome parents. Anybody who knows me knows how I feel about my brother and his family. Knows how much it eats at me that they live so far away and our time together is always so short. This will be the second visit in a row that has been cancelled because of sickness in our house. I'm actually having a hard time writing this because my pink eye related weeping is mixing with my broken hearted weeping and I can barely see the keyboard.
So it started late afternoon on Christmas Eve. I like to have an array of snacky things on hand for those times when a big meal is on the horizon and you just need a little something to carry you the rest of the way. To that end I was whipping up a cheeseball that required some diced up jalapeno. I grabbed a few rings of my own pickled jalapenos and finished up the recipe, tossed it in the fridge to set up and then touched my eyes. This is something I have done in the past and will probably do in the future, it's just so easy to forget. Anyway this was about the worse I have ever done it. I immediately couldn't see, but Mike was nearby to get me to some cool water and the moment eventually passed. A handful of hours later, at church my eye was feeling very irritated and weepy, which I chalked up to the jalapeno burn. We came back home got the kids into bed and I crawled in not long after.
Just before 4am I was up with my eye completely swollen shut. I took myself to google to see how I should take care of this and alternated warm tea bag compresses with raw potato slices and by dinner had brought the swelling down tremendously. By Boxing Day there was still no real change in the symptoms aside from the decrease in swelling and after a quick nap I awoke with two red, swollen eyes that were sealed shut with pus. I had a conversation with the on-call doctor at our doc's office and he diagnosed bacterial pink eye over the phone (Doc Google concurred) and he called in a prescription to the closest open pharmacy to us, which was inconveniently located downtown and poor Mike had to wait for 30 minutes for them to fill it. Not that he complained.
You know what words go with pink eye.... highly contagious. There was no way I could take my highly contagious eyes up north to spend Christmas with the World's Nephew. Not to mention I am completely uncomfortable and exhausted. My face is exhausted. My vision is all wonky and I just wish I could take my eyes out and dip them in cold water for half an hour. Forty years I have managed to go without getting pink eye just to have it now seems unnecessarily cruel. I won't lie, I cried when I realized I wasn't going to be able to go and I cried when the girls left with Granny to go without me. We were talking to Dave, Mel and Elliot when the kids arrived at their place and I cried some more then. Skype is a beautiful thing and I was crying because I got to see the big smile Elliot had on his face when my girls walked in the door. How he kept reaching out to touch Maya's hair completely disinterested in the peas his Mom was trying to feed him. So it may have stung, but at least we had that. Mike and I got to see them open our Christmas presents and they opened ours from them, so in some small way we got to be part of the fun. I stayed online with them for longer than my eyes would have liked only getting off to have my drops and rest them for a while. It's probably going to be a rough couple of days as I can't really do much of anything for too long before my eyes protest, but I'm glad the girls are there and having fun with Granny and everyone, but ya definitely not the way to finish up the year of awesome.
So it started late afternoon on Christmas Eve. I like to have an array of snacky things on hand for those times when a big meal is on the horizon and you just need a little something to carry you the rest of the way. To that end I was whipping up a cheeseball that required some diced up jalapeno. I grabbed a few rings of my own pickled jalapenos and finished up the recipe, tossed it in the fridge to set up and then touched my eyes. This is something I have done in the past and will probably do in the future, it's just so easy to forget. Anyway this was about the worse I have ever done it. I immediately couldn't see, but Mike was nearby to get me to some cool water and the moment eventually passed. A handful of hours later, at church my eye was feeling very irritated and weepy, which I chalked up to the jalapeno burn. We came back home got the kids into bed and I crawled in not long after.
Just before 4am I was up with my eye completely swollen shut. I took myself to google to see how I should take care of this and alternated warm tea bag compresses with raw potato slices and by dinner had brought the swelling down tremendously. By Boxing Day there was still no real change in the symptoms aside from the decrease in swelling and after a quick nap I awoke with two red, swollen eyes that were sealed shut with pus. I had a conversation with the on-call doctor at our doc's office and he diagnosed bacterial pink eye over the phone (Doc Google concurred) and he called in a prescription to the closest open pharmacy to us, which was inconveniently located downtown and poor Mike had to wait for 30 minutes for them to fill it. Not that he complained.
You know what words go with pink eye.... highly contagious. There was no way I could take my highly contagious eyes up north to spend Christmas with the World's Nephew. Not to mention I am completely uncomfortable and exhausted. My face is exhausted. My vision is all wonky and I just wish I could take my eyes out and dip them in cold water for half an hour. Forty years I have managed to go without getting pink eye just to have it now seems unnecessarily cruel. I won't lie, I cried when I realized I wasn't going to be able to go and I cried when the girls left with Granny to go without me. We were talking to Dave, Mel and Elliot when the kids arrived at their place and I cried some more then. Skype is a beautiful thing and I was crying because I got to see the big smile Elliot had on his face when my girls walked in the door. How he kept reaching out to touch Maya's hair completely disinterested in the peas his Mom was trying to feed him. So it may have stung, but at least we had that. Mike and I got to see them open our Christmas presents and they opened ours from them, so in some small way we got to be part of the fun. I stayed online with them for longer than my eyes would have liked only getting off to have my drops and rest them for a while. It's probably going to be a rough couple of days as I can't really do much of anything for too long before my eyes protest, but I'm glad the girls are there and having fun with Granny and everyone, but ya definitely not the way to finish up the year of awesome.
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
still finding my way
This weekend was a bit of a trial that required a lot of hand holding, hugs, back rubs, some tears (both hers and mine) and endless conversations in which I tried to be as reassuring and supportive as I could. If you get right down to it, we were both just taking our best shot at getting it right... Did we? I'm not sure. I think so. I think she really just needed me to listen, rub her back and tell her it was all okay.
Even still, by Monday morning she was angry with me. ML and I often meet up on my couch Sunday evening for a bit of a stitch and bitch. We knit, watch some TV and catch up. It's a pressure free standing date... meaning if we're both free and we both feel up to it, then it's on, but no offense is taken if either of us bails out. So this past Sunday night ML and I were in my living room and I was giving her a run down of my weekend looking for that very valuable Mom to Mom support. Little did I know the daughter I had tucked into bed, was no longer tucked in, but rather listening at the top of the stairs. Yeah. Not impressed to be the topic of conversation would be putting it mildly.
It struck me as somewhat funny that I would find myself in this predicament having just written about how careful I was trying to be about her need for privacy. What we were dealing with this weekend isn't something I plan on blogging about in detail, but I felt comfortable enough discussing it with a trusted friend in the relative privacy of my own living room. Monday morning I managed to calm her down enough to get her out the door for school and then we circled the wagons back around that evening. Me and her, tucked away in her room.
I apologized, of course, for upsetting her and then I asked her a very important question... did she trust me to tell her story? She wasn't sure what I meant, so I explained to her that every experience that she struggles with is a struggle for me as well. That this is my first time on the Mom side of the fence. I may have gone through similar situations as a young girl, but it's a completely different experience now. I asked if she could see the value in sharing that with a friend, this journey. I told her I'm trying to be the best Mom I can be and part of that is asking for advice and/or feedback from people who's opinions I value. I explained that ML would never mention any of our conversation back to her unless she, herself, initiated it. So keeping in mind that everything that happens to you, happens to me, I told her, just as you need to talk to me, I need to talk as well... do you trust me to tell your story? She was quiet for a bit and then said that she did.
There are a lot of big changes coming up as we hurtle towards the future and I was thankful for her willingness to really look at the issue from my side. I think we both came away from the experience with some much needed peace of mind. s for me, well this will certainly make my parenting top ten list.
Even still, by Monday morning she was angry with me. ML and I often meet up on my couch Sunday evening for a bit of a stitch and bitch. We knit, watch some TV and catch up. It's a pressure free standing date... meaning if we're both free and we both feel up to it, then it's on, but no offense is taken if either of us bails out. So this past Sunday night ML and I were in my living room and I was giving her a run down of my weekend looking for that very valuable Mom to Mom support. Little did I know the daughter I had tucked into bed, was no longer tucked in, but rather listening at the top of the stairs. Yeah. Not impressed to be the topic of conversation would be putting it mildly.
It struck me as somewhat funny that I would find myself in this predicament having just written about how careful I was trying to be about her need for privacy. What we were dealing with this weekend isn't something I plan on blogging about in detail, but I felt comfortable enough discussing it with a trusted friend in the relative privacy of my own living room. Monday morning I managed to calm her down enough to get her out the door for school and then we circled the wagons back around that evening. Me and her, tucked away in her room.
I apologized, of course, for upsetting her and then I asked her a very important question... did she trust me to tell her story? She wasn't sure what I meant, so I explained to her that every experience that she struggles with is a struggle for me as well. That this is my first time on the Mom side of the fence. I may have gone through similar situations as a young girl, but it's a completely different experience now. I asked if she could see the value in sharing that with a friend, this journey. I told her I'm trying to be the best Mom I can be and part of that is asking for advice and/or feedback from people who's opinions I value. I explained that ML would never mention any of our conversation back to her unless she, herself, initiated it. So keeping in mind that everything that happens to you, happens to me, I told her, just as you need to talk to me, I need to talk as well... do you trust me to tell your story? She was quiet for a bit and then said that she did.
There are a lot of big changes coming up as we hurtle towards the future and I was thankful for her willingness to really look at the issue from my side. I think we both came away from the experience with some much needed peace of mind. s for me, well this will certainly make my parenting top ten list.
Sunday, December 08, 2013
trying to find my way back
It's hard these days to know what to write here. It was easier when the girls were smaller, but now they're bigger and their stories are much more their own. Abby is now on facebook as are some of her friends have friended me, so I try to be mindful of what I'm writing about her. I take the time to ask if she's okay with it first. As someone who has enjoyed a very long love affair with blogging I find it really stifling. I know I have to change how/what I am writing, but I haven't manage to find my groove there yet, so this place sits neglected and that just eats at me which makes the writing even harder. It's a tremendously vicious circle.
When my girls were tiny it was so easy to take to the internet and poor out my frustrations about non-sleeping babies, temper tantrums and toilet training issues and the resounding chorus of "me too's", from my online Moms in the trenches crew was more than a little gratifying, that feeling of we're all in the this together. There are still lots of parenting issues I'd like to write about. I am the Mom of a tween and that landscape changes vastly day to day it seems at times. And my baby, well she's no longer a baby in any way and that is an adjustment. They challenge me daily and I'm just white knuckling it (at times) and praying really hard that I'm doing right by them.
They are moving into new stages of their lives, some with great trepidation and some are just balls to the wall about it and those descriptors are interchangeable issue to issue, child to child. It's just a whole new world. Really I think my kids are amazing and awesome and this is way more about me than it is about them because I definitely bring my own baggage to this whole Mom gig and that is one of the issues I wish I could write about. I'm more than comfortable writing about myself, but the flipside is my issues are connected to theirs and telling half the story just doesn't seem beneficial, but I intend to keep working away at it trying to find the balance... hope you'll stick with me.
When my girls were tiny it was so easy to take to the internet and poor out my frustrations about non-sleeping babies, temper tantrums and toilet training issues and the resounding chorus of "me too's", from my online Moms in the trenches crew was more than a little gratifying, that feeling of we're all in the this together. There are still lots of parenting issues I'd like to write about. I am the Mom of a tween and that landscape changes vastly day to day it seems at times. And my baby, well she's no longer a baby in any way and that is an adjustment. They challenge me daily and I'm just white knuckling it (at times) and praying really hard that I'm doing right by them.
They are moving into new stages of their lives, some with great trepidation and some are just balls to the wall about it and those descriptors are interchangeable issue to issue, child to child. It's just a whole new world. Really I think my kids are amazing and awesome and this is way more about me than it is about them because I definitely bring my own baggage to this whole Mom gig and that is one of the issues I wish I could write about. I'm more than comfortable writing about myself, but the flipside is my issues are connected to theirs and telling half the story just doesn't seem beneficial, but I intend to keep working away at it trying to find the balance... hope you'll stick with me.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
i'm finding my way
I'm going to give it to you straight! I got lazy. Sure I could also tell you how busy things have been. How I keep piling more and more work on myself, but as they say.... If you really want to do something you'll find a way. If you don't you'll find an excuse. Truth!
Here's what I stopped doing, I stopped making my after work run a priority. I got caught up in the work I was doing and tricked myself into believing that those emails wouldn't wait another 45 minutes. That the paper work and the looming project deadlines couldn't handle me stepping away for 45 minutes. I'd swear to myself that I would go out tomorrow. Tomorrow would come and I'd be back at my computer dealing with questions from trucking companies, organizing volunteers, sorting silent auction items and on it goes.
It's a slippery slope, isn't it? Once you let one thing slide it's so easy for the rest to follow and I did that. I let the rest follow because on top of all the volunteer projects I had going this year and they were big ones, we're talking thousands upon thousands of dollars I still had that full time job of mine to go to and riding lessons and meetings and then there was the laundry and homework and meals to cook. So I also got lazy with my food and trust me when I say it was very easy to do.
The fact of the matter is I do all the laundry, almost all of the cooking, I organize everyone else's schedules, I fill out all the trip forms and various other school paper work, I check the backpacks and make sure the homework gets done. Most of the time I do the tucking in and the story reading. And you know what..... it's my pleasure to do so. This family is without a doubt my greatest work and taking care of them.... acts of service....that is my love language.
At Christmas time of last year I had lost 40 lbs and it took a lot of hard work to get there, so you have no idea how angry I am at myself for gaining 22lbs of it back. That I didn't let those emails wait for another 45 minutes. That I didn't get Abby to fold some towels. That I didn't push the school papers in front of Mike to fill out. That I didn't do all of that and more so I could slip out the door for 45 minutes and keep myself on track. I should mention that it's not an issue of nobody wanting to help me, but rather an issue of me just doing it all. Acts of service... it's what I do.
So I'm back... no more goofing around. If you're friends with me on facebook then you know I've been out running this week. Oh, but that makes me angry too because I've lost so much of my speed and lung capacity and strength. This time around I'm losing with a friend. We aren't geographically close so we aren't working out together, but we're challenging each other and checking in... making sure we're staying with it. We've got our first week behind us and I'm back down 3.4lbs so that's pretty exciting. And I'm letting the emails wait and Mike's cleaning the kitchen. The homework seems to be getting done and the girls have been getting to bed okay every night.
I had been pretty vocal about my running/weight loss/healthy living journey and then I just got quiet..... always a good sign things are going sideways, by the by....... because failure is not really something anybody likes to broadcast to the world, but we probably should because things aren't always easy and we aren't always perfect and that's okay. I have the opportunity to shake myself off and get back at it. You should probably expect the updates to start back up and if you don't hear anything please feel free to ask me what in the hell I am doing and I'll just be over here trying to find my way.
Here's what I stopped doing, I stopped making my after work run a priority. I got caught up in the work I was doing and tricked myself into believing that those emails wouldn't wait another 45 minutes. That the paper work and the looming project deadlines couldn't handle me stepping away for 45 minutes. I'd swear to myself that I would go out tomorrow. Tomorrow would come and I'd be back at my computer dealing with questions from trucking companies, organizing volunteers, sorting silent auction items and on it goes.
It's a slippery slope, isn't it? Once you let one thing slide it's so easy for the rest to follow and I did that. I let the rest follow because on top of all the volunteer projects I had going this year and they were big ones, we're talking thousands upon thousands of dollars I still had that full time job of mine to go to and riding lessons and meetings and then there was the laundry and homework and meals to cook. So I also got lazy with my food and trust me when I say it was very easy to do.
The fact of the matter is I do all the laundry, almost all of the cooking, I organize everyone else's schedules, I fill out all the trip forms and various other school paper work, I check the backpacks and make sure the homework gets done. Most of the time I do the tucking in and the story reading. And you know what..... it's my pleasure to do so. This family is without a doubt my greatest work and taking care of them.... acts of service....that is my love language.
At Christmas time of last year I had lost 40 lbs and it took a lot of hard work to get there, so you have no idea how angry I am at myself for gaining 22lbs of it back. That I didn't let those emails wait for another 45 minutes. That I didn't get Abby to fold some towels. That I didn't push the school papers in front of Mike to fill out. That I didn't do all of that and more so I could slip out the door for 45 minutes and keep myself on track. I should mention that it's not an issue of nobody wanting to help me, but rather an issue of me just doing it all. Acts of service... it's what I do.
So I'm back... no more goofing around. If you're friends with me on facebook then you know I've been out running this week. Oh, but that makes me angry too because I've lost so much of my speed and lung capacity and strength. This time around I'm losing with a friend. We aren't geographically close so we aren't working out together, but we're challenging each other and checking in... making sure we're staying with it. We've got our first week behind us and I'm back down 3.4lbs so that's pretty exciting. And I'm letting the emails wait and Mike's cleaning the kitchen. The homework seems to be getting done and the girls have been getting to bed okay every night.
I had been pretty vocal about my running/weight loss/healthy living journey and then I just got quiet..... always a good sign things are going sideways, by the by....... because failure is not really something anybody likes to broadcast to the world, but we probably should because things aren't always easy and we aren't always perfect and that's okay. I have the opportunity to shake myself off and get back at it. You should probably expect the updates to start back up and if you don't hear anything please feel free to ask me what in the hell I am doing and I'll just be over here trying to find my way.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
outsmarted
A couple of things you should know about me. First, I consider myself to be of reasonable intelligence. Second, I enjoy movies that are based on real life events. So the baseball movie 42.... loved it. The Queen..... thought it was brilliant. The Impossible... moved to tears. And don't even get me started on Argo. Oh and maybe one more thing.... I'm a teeny bit of a Royal watcher. A teeny bit now, but back in the Princess Diana days I was all about everything Royal. So it makes perfect sense that I'd want to see W.E. a movie by Madonna about a woman obsessed with the love story of the Duke and Duchess of Windsor. The Duke was King before abdicating to be with the love of his life American divorcee, Wallis Simpson. It was all very scandalous at the time.
One night while Mike and Abby were out and Maya was tucked into her bed I popped the movie in and that's the end of the story..... because I couldn't get it to play. Yes folks, I was outsmarted by my BluRay player. The disc starts just fine, I can watch the trailers and then it asks if I'd like to watch it in English or French and then that's it. I get to the title screen but there are no options listed. No play, set up, or extras. Nothing but an endless loop of scenes from the movie play. I've tried hitting start, play, every menu button... hell every actual button on the remote itself and this movie will not play. I've tried two separate times and lost over an hour of my life to a movie title screen to no avail. So if you're keeping track at home that's BluRay player - 2, Shanny - 0 I should probably just get one of the kids to start it for me. I'm clearly too old to be messing with technology at this point.
One night while Mike and Abby were out and Maya was tucked into her bed I popped the movie in and that's the end of the story..... because I couldn't get it to play. Yes folks, I was outsmarted by my BluRay player. The disc starts just fine, I can watch the trailers and then it asks if I'd like to watch it in English or French and then that's it. I get to the title screen but there are no options listed. No play, set up, or extras. Nothing but an endless loop of scenes from the movie play. I've tried hitting start, play, every menu button... hell every actual button on the remote itself and this movie will not play. I've tried two separate times and lost over an hour of my life to a movie title screen to no avail. So if you're keeping track at home that's BluRay player - 2, Shanny - 0 I should probably just get one of the kids to start it for me. I'm clearly too old to be messing with technology at this point.
Monday, September 02, 2013
so awesome
So we're over halfway through what I have declared to be the Year of Awesome. I actually had some Year of Awesome homework that I was supposed to have completed for my favourite mental health professional that I have been putting off for.... well the entire summer.... and she's been letting me slide because she's awesome like that, but also it was really difficult for me to complete. I was supposed to make a list of what would make this the Year of Awesome for me and it couldn't be things that I would do for other people... which seemed kind of mean because I like to do things for other people, but of course that was point of the exercise.
So I struggled with it. I turned it over in my mind for a very long time. I came at it from different angles. It's been my constant bedtime companion the entire summer. What will I put on this list? So after hours and hours of pondering, what exactly have I come up with?
Well before I get to that point, let's check in and see how the Year of Awesome has been going. In a word it's been awesome. Ha! I'm so funny. Well as we know it hasn't all been moonlight and roses. I hit a bit of a rough patch there, but I'm happy to say that I've rallied back. Righted the ship. Things once again are rosy.
Some of the things that have made up the Year of Awesome so far were definitely planned out. Things like our new to us car, Baby Elliot, turning forty, Relay for Life, but the vast majority have been things that weren't even on my radar. opportunities that I/we just had to say yes to. Family tailgating dinners, cards with friends, pancake cook offs, girls nights out, and the family picnic. Tonight I went from a planned quiet evening at home to getting soaked and singing my face off at a Montgomery Gentry concert with some great friends.
So I don't think I need a list of things to make this the Year of Awesome. I think I just need to keep saying yes to things and more awesomeness will come from somewhere. I have learned a lesson that's bigger than that though. I think I have learned that a big part of saying yes to a lot of things is knowing when I need to say no. And even more importantly to actually say it when I need to. It will never be a question of wanting to do things, but I'm slowly figuring out that as much as I would love to, I cannot do every awesome thing on my radar and I have to prioritize things the best way I can..... for me. Shockingly enough, this gets a little bit easier every time I have to do it.
So absolutely, I could make a list that says this will be the Year of Awesome if I eat at that restaurant I saw on You Gotta Eat Here or if I host a favourite things party or if my sister in law takes me to the Bread Bar and all of those things may still happen and if they do... awesome and if those exact things don't... well I'm sure there will be other Awesomeness to take it's place.
So I struggled with it. I turned it over in my mind for a very long time. I came at it from different angles. It's been my constant bedtime companion the entire summer. What will I put on this list? So after hours and hours of pondering, what exactly have I come up with?
Well before I get to that point, let's check in and see how the Year of Awesome has been going. In a word it's been awesome. Ha! I'm so funny. Well as we know it hasn't all been moonlight and roses. I hit a bit of a rough patch there, but I'm happy to say that I've rallied back. Righted the ship. Things once again are rosy.
Some of the things that have made up the Year of Awesome so far were definitely planned out. Things like our new to us car, Baby Elliot, turning forty, Relay for Life, but the vast majority have been things that weren't even on my radar. opportunities that I/we just had to say yes to. Family tailgating dinners, cards with friends, pancake cook offs, girls nights out, and the family picnic. Tonight I went from a planned quiet evening at home to getting soaked and singing my face off at a Montgomery Gentry concert with some great friends.
So I don't think I need a list of things to make this the Year of Awesome. I think I just need to keep saying yes to things and more awesomeness will come from somewhere. I have learned a lesson that's bigger than that though. I think I have learned that a big part of saying yes to a lot of things is knowing when I need to say no. And even more importantly to actually say it when I need to. It will never be a question of wanting to do things, but I'm slowly figuring out that as much as I would love to, I cannot do every awesome thing on my radar and I have to prioritize things the best way I can..... for me. Shockingly enough, this gets a little bit easier every time I have to do it.
So absolutely, I could make a list that says this will be the Year of Awesome if I eat at that restaurant I saw on You Gotta Eat Here or if I host a favourite things party or if my sister in law takes me to the Bread Bar and all of those things may still happen and if they do... awesome and if those exact things don't... well I'm sure there will be other Awesomeness to take it's place.
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