Tuesday, October 22, 2013

i'm finding my way

I'm going to give it to you straight! I got lazy. Sure I could also tell you how busy things have been. How I keep piling more and more work on myself, but as they say.... If you really want to do something you'll find a way. If you don't you'll find an excuse. Truth!

Here's what I stopped doing, I stopped making my after work run a priority. I got caught up in the work I was doing and tricked myself into believing that those emails wouldn't wait another 45 minutes. That the paper work and the looming project deadlines couldn't handle me stepping away for 45 minutes. I'd swear to myself that I would go out tomorrow. Tomorrow would come and I'd be back at my computer dealing with questions from trucking companies, organizing volunteers, sorting silent auction items and on it goes.

It's a slippery slope, isn't it? Once you let one thing slide it's so easy for the rest to follow and I did that. I let the rest follow because on top of all the volunteer projects I had going this year and they were big ones, we're talking thousands upon thousands of dollars I still had that full time job of mine to go to and riding lessons and meetings and then there was the laundry and homework and meals to cook. So I also got lazy with my food and trust me when I say it was very easy to do.

The fact of the matter is I do all the laundry, almost all of the cooking, I organize everyone else's schedules, I fill out all the trip forms and various other school paper work, I check the backpacks and make sure the homework gets done. Most of the time I do the tucking in and the story reading. And you know what..... it's my pleasure to do so. This family is without a doubt my greatest work and taking care of them.... acts of service....that is my love language.

At Christmas time of last year I had lost 40 lbs and it took a lot of hard work to get there, so you have no idea how angry I am at myself for gaining 22lbs of it back. That I didn't let those emails wait for another 45 minutes. That I didn't get Abby to fold some towels. That I didn't push the school papers in front of Mike to fill out. That I didn't do all of that and more so I could slip out the door for 45 minutes and keep myself on track. I should mention that it's not an issue of nobody wanting to help me, but rather an issue of me just doing it all. Acts of service... it's what I do.

So I'm back... no more goofing around. If you're friends with me on facebook then you know I've been out running this week. Oh, but that makes me angry too because I've lost so much of my speed and lung capacity and strength. This time around I'm losing with a friend. We aren't geographically close so we aren't working out together, but we're challenging each other and checking in... making sure we're staying with it. We've got our first week behind us and I'm back down 3.4lbs so that's pretty exciting. And I'm letting the emails wait and Mike's cleaning the kitchen. The homework seems to be getting done and the girls have been getting to bed okay every night.

I had been pretty vocal about my running/weight loss/healthy living journey and then I just got quiet..... always a good sign things are going sideways, by the by....... because failure is not really something anybody likes to broadcast to the world, but we probably should because things aren't always easy and we aren't always perfect and that's okay. I have the opportunity to shake myself off and get back at it. You should probably expect the updates to start back up and if you don't hear anything please feel free to ask me what in the hell I am doing and I'll just be over here trying to find my way.

1 comment:

Betsy said...

You know what, I have done the same thing. I need to get back in it but I cannot find the motivation. You might be it today!