Jerks

So I'm sitting here minding my own business when I get an email that could change my life. The email had those magic words in it. The words I have been waiting to hear for so many years.

High speed internet is now available in your area.

I nearly fainted. My heart was racing. Finally, oh finally I could be like all the cool kids. I was more excited than any kid on Christmas morning ever. I could see myself, surfing around the web at lightening fast speeds. Or even surfing while I was on the phone. You know because sometimes my mom people can get boring on the phone. It was going to be magical. I clicked on the "learn more" link and for once didn't even curse the computer for the time it was taking to load the page. My click and wait days were going to be over. I checked out the coverage map and almost cried when I saw that large wash of blue over the map that indicated the coverage area. I was covered. Oh thank heavens my tiny little village was covered. My next stop was the FAQ and I liked what I read. My trigger finger was itched to unleash on the purchase now button and yet something held me back. What was it? Maybe cynicism?

Well founded too it appears. Just to further prove this new wireless high speed was in fact available at my home, as the email professed it was I used their availability tool. The answer I got back was neither a yea or nay. It seemed the availabiltiy tool was incapable of ascertaining whether or not my house was located in the coverage area. If I would kindly call the toll free number someone would gladly help me out. That someone (after 15 minutes on hold) was Sebastain and he was borderline understandable. After I supplied him with my address particulars our canversation went something like this:

Sebastain:Okay it is available.
Me: Great
S: Just let me try my other tool to double check.
M: Okay.
S: Yes it is. Oh wait I need to update my tool with the latest mumble mumble
M: Ooookay.
S: Well you're on the border so it should be fine. Let me try something else because mumble mumble
M: uuuuh huuuh.
S: Wait are you mumble mumble of Alberton Rd?
M: Pardon?
S: Are you east or west of mumble mumble
M: Oh west.
S: Okay well you are on the border, but it should be..... Oh hold on mumble mumble Do you need it at home?
M: Umm yeah.
S: Because it's not available to you. You're 1.2 miles out of the coverage area. mumble mumble available in Toronto if you needed to use it there. You can travel around mumble mumble covering more of Canada in the next three years

Blah Blah Blah. I had stopped listening at that point. Assholes! I don't know who's stupider? Bell for sending out an email offering up highspeed in a highspeed deficient area and it isn't even available. Or me for wanting to give them more of my hard earned money then I already do. Assholes!