When do I sleep? When do you sleep?

When do I sleep? That's what my internet stalker wants to know. What? Oh yeah, I have an internet stalker don't you? If you have a blog I'd be willing to bet money that you have one lurking about about. Mine just happens to be louder than most. No quiet lurking about for her. You see she "watches" me, notices at what times I'm posting, using my MSN, returning emails and commenting about the 'net. Then she sends emails at the same ungodly time that I am up at, I might add, and asks..... When do you sleep?

In case it's not obvious my internet stalker is a concerned friend worried that I am in danger of burning myself out. And folks she's not half wrong. I can feel myself burning out, some days more than others. Today taking a nap on the ceramic tile floor at work seemed like a great idea and one I gave some serious thought too. But my friend was mistaken in thinking I have a desire to be up putzing about the internet at one in the morning during the work week. Let me tell you 5 o'clock comes really early when you're only crawling into bed at 1:12 am. So why do I do it? Why do I torture myself? In a word, Maya.

It's no secret Maya is and has been far from a great sleeper. Mike and I were horribly spoiled by Abby who was sleeping through the night by 6 weeks. That in itself was a mixed blessing since it was only due to her poor health. Now both girls were born with a VSD, a hole between the bottom chambers of the heart. Abby's was much larger and much more serious. Babies with large VSD's work incredibly hard to keep their bodies doing all the important things it should be like recirculating blood, breathing, eating and having a heart beat. So for Abby by the end of the day she was quite simply exhausted and she would sleep. We did go through a brief period where she tried to push the envelope by fussing at bedtime, but a week or so of "Ferberizing" her seemed to solve that. Not that I had any idea what Ferberizing was at the time. It was just a technique that I saw on TV and it worked. I would like to point out that Abby was well over a year old when said "Ferberizing" took place. [aside] And I'm not even actually sure what I did could be construed as Ferberizing. I would put her to bed at which point she would start hollering for me. I would wait a few minutes, re-enter the room, lay her back down, run my hand over her back, tell her I loved her and it was time for bed at which point I would leave the room, only going as far as the hall. Then I'd add one minute to my previous wait time and do it all again. Lather, rinse repeat as necessary. [/aside]

Maya has been a whole other kettle of fish. She was seven months old before she started to sleep through the night on a somewhat regular basis. Believe me when I tell you it was a long 7 months. I do have to mention how awesome Mike was during that time. He really stepped up to the plate and tried to get me as much sleep as he could. Since that seven month mark we've had the odd sleep regression, a handful of days here or there, but nothing that wasn't manageable. Right now we're in the middle of a huge sleep regression and it's kicking my ass. For the last couple of weeks she has been getting up in the middle of the night and screaming her frustrations out to the world. And so began the detective work, what, if anything, was causing her to wake up. Now my initial thought was a growth spurt, perhaps she was hungry. Especially after we found this;



Yep she raided the pantry and dove right into the garlic flavoured croutons. That was a smelly evening, no joke.

And some nights I would get her up and she would power back a bottle of milk and be right back to sleep. Then after a few days it wasn't about the milk anymore. I'd offer it and she'd reject it. I can't "ferberize" her because she sees it merely as an incentive to scream even longer. I also can't let her scream forever because then she's disrupting Abby's sleep and that just leads to poor concentration at school and an increase in night terrors. On the other hand if I get her out of bed she thinks it's time to play. On yet another hand if I put her in bed with us she thinks it's time to play. I can't leave her in bed and I can't take her out. She kind of has me over a barrel and I think she knows it and for all I know that could be the problem right there. Now you can call me a horrible Mom if you want but I have no problem letting her fuss in her bed..... to a point, but while she is fussing I don't sleep. I'm either down here using the computer or watching TV.

In the last week or so we've slowly been instituting some changes for Maya to see if that helps at all. We try to make sure she was a wide variety of snacks to choose from during the day as well as making sure she has a before bed snack. All designed to eliminate possible "hunger-related" waking. Her afternoon nap has been eliminated in favour of a longer morning nap and an earlier bed time. Which, to be honest, was really something Maya implemented herself. Lastly, and I'm surprised I didn't realize this before, but it's pretty stinking dry upstairs and it's made me a tad uncomfortable so now I run the vapourizer in Maya's room every night. And what conclusions have I drawn from all of this tweaking? Well I managed to enjoy two nights of solid sleep. Last night was an awake night, but only for an hour and a half or so. Tonight, so far so good.

To my internet stalker, I do appreciate your concern. I know I'm not getting enough sleep right now, but it's hard when you're dealing with two kids with sleep issues. Plus I'm a Mom and I think I had to give up the rights to any and all sleep for the next 20 years before they gave me the epidural. At least I think that's what that form I signed said.

How the black eye looks today;