maybe I'm amazed

I am in awe of Abby. Being in awe of Abby today is in no way the same as the awe I had for her as a newborn. When she would be stretched out on my lap and I would spend hours gazing at her and marveling at the fact that Mike and I had created her. Now she's five and she has her own thoughts and opinions. She has a life that is separate from ours. She has friends that I've never seen. People in her life that I only hear about. Interests that are her own. She is the best of Mike and I times ten. Times a hundred. And I continue to be in awe of the person she is becoming.

Yesterday we had tickets to the ham supper at our church. We always take tickets for the early seating (5 pm) despite the fact it leaves us less than an hour turn around time from when we get home at the end of the day because the late seating (6:30 pm) is just too late for the kids. To be honest, none of us really wanted to go. Mike had a later lunch, I was already not feeling well, Abby was worn out from a day of playing at the sitters and Maya regards her winter boots as some sort of medieval torture device. And still we pushed on and managed to get us all to the dinner on time, not that any of us ate much and Maya actually ate nothing and instead conned Grandma Linda into taking her down to the nursery room to play. Abby did make us our money back on the buns she ate, which numbered four or maybe five and they were whole wheat too. Who would have thought?

Now I'm not sure if this is true for all church fundraising dinners because my experience is limited to what we do at our own church. Prior to opening of the buffet line the diners sit and wait in the church pews, so if you're at the early seating it's likely the next seating is already out in the sanctuary patiently waiting for you to finish your meal. Last night we lingered with Papa and Grandma Linda near the pulpit as the church hall emptied of the full and the church pews filled with hungry. As I chatted with Grandma Linda I kept one eye on Abby who was sitting at the organ, facing those waiting for the next seating. I watched her sitting there at center stage and I realized she wasn't just sitting there, but she was singing. She was singing a song from Cinderella, Sing Sweet Nightingale. From there she moved on to songs more suited to the setting like, Jesus Loves the Little Children, Give Me Oil in My Lamp and Jesus Loves Me. And when I say she was singing, I don't mean she was sitting there singing quietly to herself, but loudly, facing the crowd with a smile on her face. With complete and utter confidence and entirely of her own volition. When she had completed a song she would come around the side of the pulpit and offer a bow before resuming her seat at center stage to sing another. I'm quite certain she would have stayed up there and sang until the next seating filed out if we hadn't said it was time to go home.

I'm not sure where this love of singing comes from. It goes well beyond the singing along with the radio her Dad and I do. I have often said living with Abby is like living in a musical. It seems she is always singing. She will sing her part of conversations with Mike and I, "Mom, can I have some juice please?" She sings songs she's heard on the radio, at choir practice or learned at school. She will sing words from one song to the tune of another. I asked her tonight if she liked singing on stage to the people and the smile on her face was answer enough, but just to seal the deal she added, "Mom, I just can't stop singing."