family dinner breakdown

I think it's very important to sit down as a family for dinner each and every night. I know it must sound like an ambitious undertaking to some, but just look how easy it is;

Tonight Mike, helpfully, set the table. So all I had to do was take dinner out of the oven and put it on the table.

Oops forgot to warm up the veggies. Corn if you're interested. It's always corn. That's all these people will eat. Throw them in the microwave. Call kids to the table.

Abby peeks from the doorway, asking what's to eat. Tears threaten to flow when she hears it's chicken because it's not the right kind of chicken. She doesn't like chicken with stuff on it. She wants to use the computer instead. I hold her brand new Webkinz dog hostage, no dinner - no internet.

Maya arrives at the table already crying. Escalates to screaming once she's strapped in her booster seat. I tell Abby and Mike to go ahead and eat. I take Maya to the living room for some Mommy snuggles that will, hopefully, put her in a better mood.

From the living room I hear Abby bargaining with Mike about how many bites of dinner she has to eat. She then successfully lobbies for Dora pasta in sauce instead. Maya gets down from my lap and heads back to the table. I return to the table as well.

Find out my iced tea is now Abby's iced tea. And Maya wants it to be her iced tea. Maya is crying. Mike, "helpfully", gives Abby's iced tea to Maya. Abby is now crying. Ask Mike if he'd like me to start crying as well. Pour more iced tea into an identical sippy cup. Abby and I, successfully, pull the ole switcheroo on Maya. Peace returns.

Oops forgot Abby's pasta in the microwave. Get it for her. Remember she needs a spoon. Get that. And she'll need a cloth napkin otherwise there will be pasta sauce all over her sleeves. Grab one of out the china cabinet. Sit down and put some dinner on my plate.

Maya is sitting on Mike's lap as he eats. Hand her the peanut butter wrap I made her for dinner. The wrap is rejected. Crying appears to be on the horizon. She eyes Abby's pasta and begins gesturing wildly for it. Grab a can for her out of the pantry. Attempt to get it ready while she holds on to my pant leg and shrieks at me. Throw bowl in the microwave. Pause to wipe Maya's nose.

Get Maya's bowl out of the microwave. Install Maya in her booster seat. Oops, forgot she needs her rubber shirt bib, otherwise she'll be covered in pasta sauce. Grab it, put it on and strap her into her booster seat. Sit down to eat my own dinner. Notice Maya has only a fork, no spoon. With the fork very little pasta is making it to her mouth. Get up to get a spoon.

Back to my own dinner. Remark to Mike that I hope to have a hot meal when the girls are teenagers. Abby wants more iced tea and, coincidentally, I just happen to have some left. Eat my first bite of dinner. Abby is finished with her pasta. She is now requesting dessert. Put her off until I'm finished my dinner.

Finally finished dinner. Scrub all visible signs of pasta sauce off Maya, her chair, booster seat, the floor and the table surrounding her bowl. Abby begins begging for me to help her with her brand new webkinz. Have a sneaking suspicion webkinz just isn't compatible with our dial up internet. Coerce her into helping me clear the table. That would be a stall tactic, for the uninitiated. Stack dishes in the sink, put fridge stuff in the fridge, pack up the leftovers, wipe the table, stall Abby some more. Take out freezer stuff for tomorrow's dinner to thaw in the fridge (never above prepared foods though). And call it a night.

See, easy peasy lemon squeezie, just like I told you.