Thursday, January 07, 2010

trying to get back to me

Well at the risk of sounding like an alarmist I'm afraid I have lost my mojo. I think it started before Christmas. Well before Christmas now that I think about it. I am usually pretty organized in regards to Christmas shopping and have it done well before the day arrives. I shop early and smart, getting the best bang for my buck. This year I had zero interest in shopping and no real ideas of what to get people. I finally finished my shopping the week before Christmas.

I had no real Christmas spirit this year, but I think I hid it well. I still put up and decorated 4 Christmas trees, but now that the time has come to undecorate I can't tell you how much I hate that I put up four trees. And the undecorating, well that appears to be a never ending project in itself. I just can't seem to get it together to just clean up and put it all away already. So we're stuck in this horrible stage of limbo in which the house is in a state of minor disaster.

And today is January 7th - Christmas to those who observe the Gregorian calendar. My Mom comes from a Polish/Ukranian background, so our tree always stayed up until after seventh as a hat tip to her heritage. This year I was ready to take it down after New Years. Ready, but in no way motivated to - you know - actually do it.

And then there has been the laundry. Always a struggle for us Moms, but even better, my washing machine has been on the fritz. It was still "usable", but to use it I literally had to sit over top of it and babysit it through it's hour long cycle or it would flood my kitchen/bathroom/laundry room. So the laundry has been piling up like crazy because you can imagine all the free time I have to babysit my washer. Now that it's fixed (thank you Papa OldBeard) I'm getting caught up on all the laundry, but while the "dirty pile" is getting smaller the "to fold" pile is getting equally higher. See how that works and a girl who doesn't have it in her to put away her Christmas cheer certainly doesn't have it in her to fold 756 loads of laundry. Hello mountains of clean laundry piled everywhere.

I really just feel kinda blah about everything. Sorta beige. And no idea why. Oddly enough, even though the house is a semi-disaster - which would be the biggest indicator I just don't have my shit together right now - I'm still working on making positive changes for me and my family. I'm kinda like Eeyore right now, plodding along with this black cloud over my head.

I started working out with the Wii again. Abby got Outdoor Challenge for Christmas and, oh my sweat, do I love it. I've put in my time with it every night this week. I'd really been backsliding on the dinner thing. With Mike being out so often dinner time at the table has been non-existent and I've been making separate meals for everyone. I put an end to that this week too. Did you hear the groans of protest? And the gagging when I made Abby try a perogie? I'm trying to be more focused during our bedtime routine and making sure the kids get some one on one time with me and we read a story. I'm trying to eat healthier. Going back to the no meat for breakfast or dinner thing. Making sure I'm getting all my water in. That's not going so hot just yet, but I'm working on it.

So the point to all of this, and yes I do have one, is please forgive me if posting is spotty for the next little bit. I've been finding the allure of crawling into bed and disappearing into a book for a few hours a little too hard to deny. Thank goodness for a bookcase full of books begging to be read.


Merry said...

Sending big hugs your way! I know exactly how you feel. I didn't ever get into the Christmas spirit either. I ended up dealing with all kinds of issues that I've been ignoring for a long time which didn't help. Our Christmas stuff is still up too & I have made no move to take it down. Here's hoping we both get our mojo back soon!

Lynn said...

I've been feeling exactly the same way lately -- no energy for anything, even the fun stuff. Do you think it's just winter blahs? I hope we both snap out of it by April!

Mommy Project said...

Ahhh...hugs from me, too! I hope Shanny gets her groove back, soon. Of course, I think it also totally ROCKS that you ~are~ spending a bit more time on ~you~ with the Wii! You know what they say, "If Mom ain't happy, ain't nobody gonna be happy" and your Wii work will also give you more energy and set a great example for your girls (at least that's what I keep telling myself! Haha).

So, hang in there gf. The laundry will get put away eventually (I keep telling myself that, too)!! :)

Mommy Project said...
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Leah said...

okay, minus the four trees, and the washing machine babysitting, I think you quite literally just wrote about my life for me. My tree is still up, and I turn a blind eye everyone I walk through the house and see it. pretending I DON'T see it. because the idea of having to put away all those ornaments blah blah blah, really makes me want to sit and tear my hair our. or something. and while my washer has been behaving just fine, my kids have been getting extra dirty lately, and there's just this never ending stream of laundry and before I even get the first loads fully put away, I've got several new loads in various stages of beign cleaned, dried, or folded. laundry is literally EVERYWHERE. Shopping was hard for me this year. not motivated, sucked at coming up with ideas, just wasn't feeling into it. I have also gotten back into the wii. wii biggest loser and wii active so far, but we DID get the outdoor challenge and haven't even tried it out yet. Now I will have to do that with the boys this afternoon or something. I truthfully kind of forgot about it! I'm glad to hear I'm not alone is this crazy limbo land I find myself in. I think we wear ourselves too thin with all our mothering, crafting, volunteering, baking/cooking, etc and need to go through these slumps of not much motivation so our bodies are forced into getting some needed rest before we charge it up again and burn ourselves out. I mean really, EVERYONE needs down times and how many moms do you know that ever really gets any??????


Julie said...

i hope you find your mojo soon. we'll be here when you need us and after...