getting the best of me

My life is really getting in the way of my life. That was the thought that popped into my head as I crawled into bed way way way too late. So late that I was going to miserable the next morning when that damn alarm went off. So miserable that I would undoubtedly play fast and loose with the snooze button, hitting it again and again until I had to rush to get everyone out the door "on time". I'd end up being several minutes past "on time" by the time everyone got in the van. The kids would be miserable, there would be yelling, begging, some threats and quite possibly some tears. Yeah, morning would be fun. Unfortunately that's the way mornings are around here. They don't have to be, but they are because I am trying to cram too much into the 24 hours I have been allotted for each and every day.

I have said before that if I could figure out a way to go without sleep, I'd be a happy girl. Then I could do everything in a day that I'd like, but to be honest I wouldn't be buying myself all that much extra time. Five hours-ish is about what have I been clocking in the sleep department on any given night. And despite Maya's belief to the contrary, I am no longer twenty-one. In fact, I am quickly approaching the big 40 and this old lady's body just cannot keep up the pace anymore. My body has been telling me that for quite some time, but have chosen to ignore it. I shouldn't anymore. To be honest, I can't anymore.

There were three nights recently that I forced myself to shut everything off and climb into bed hours before I usually do. It was awesome. Times ten. I felt great the next morning. I didn't hit the snooze button eleventy billion times like I normally do. I got up before the kids and got myself organized before I got them up, so then I could just focus on getting them ready. There was none of the chaos that is the usual main attraction. In a word, it was bliss.

So I sat and I pondered. I thought about the things I have to do, like work and stay on top of the extra homework both girls now have. Then I prioritized the things I really want to do, like being active at Abby's school and then I had to start cutting. I have to learn to turn things down, to opt out. I cannot do all that I would like too and if I try each project isn't going to get the best of me. Something has got to give. So it was not an easy decision to come too, well it was and it wasn't. I know the things that need to come first. My family and the things that impact it. I will continue to do the best I can for the school. We are a small school, but we do impressive work. I am endlessly proud of how I am helping to improve the education experience for all the kids at that school. My baking, I needed to take a long and hard look about what I wanted to do there. I don't want it to ever seem like work because it is one of my great loves. I want to be excited about each project I take on. Did I tell you about the Survivor cake I just did for a friend? It was such fun. With that I've decided to take on only what fits around my schedule and Mike's, Mr. President has many obligations and it's a one-woman show a lot of the time.

It was hard, but I feel good. I feel lighter. It's not to say I'm done with the cutting, more things may go, but this is a start.