Thursday, October 04, 2012

wow

Well... wow... I don't even know where to start. My Mom asked me this evening if yesterday's post was difficult to write. It wasn't. I'd actually been putting it together in my head for about a week. When the time came to type it out it came out pretty quickly, which would explain why it's littered with typos. Sometimes my brain gets working faster than my hands and I'm usually writing very late and just in a rush to get to bed... just as I'm doing right now. But to circle back around to my original point... no it was not hard to write, but I did hover over the publish button for a very long time. I contemplated deleting it, but then dismissed that idea as crazy... or cray cray as Maya would say.

I wasn't too sure what I was trying to accomplish with that post. My mental health issues are nothing compared to what some people deal with, but all the same they were huge to me. Maybe if I told you my story you'd realize that mental illness comes in all shapes, sizes and measures. That it's not something to easily move past. It's not something you can just turn off or stop. That just because a person seems upbeat, happy and positive doesn't mean they are. Some of us are just really good at faking it.

I said yesterday that I don't know why the anxiety is no longer there and I truly don't. Maybe I've just learned to take better care of myself. Maybe it's being a Mom to two incredible little girls. Maybe it's being damn near forty. I wish I had the answer. I have to say it feels completely surreal to be me these days. To be in a situation that would of had me tied up in knots and be totally fine with it. So weird, but so awesome.

I have received some really touching messages today that had me shedding tears of gratitude. Thank you so much, your kind thoughts truly made my day. I am so glad I clicked that publish button especially after receiving the messages that said "me too, me too". You just never know what someone else is dealing with, It's a reminder for us all to be a little kinder to each other. All of you out there struggling right now I wish you so much peace. Much love to you all. Thank you. xo

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