Friday, September 13, 2013

poopy baby

My Mom spent a week here this past summer doing the laundry and deep cleaning our house as an anniversary gift. And yes, as a gift it's just as awesome as it sounds. Clean under the kids bed, sure Granny knock yourself out! So one evening after the kids were settled she says to me... I guess you saw the letter Maya wrote you.

Ummm... nope, what letter?

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A transcript follows....

Mom is stoopid.
Mom is poopy.
Mom is a edyit.
Mom is mean.
I love evryone in my family exept my Mom.
Mom is a big baby.
I hate Mom Mom hates me.
I do not care abowt my Mom.
Here is my Mom (and a picture of me with a mustache follows)
I am never going to tak to my Mom agen!

Well we had a really good chuckle when we read this and Mike immediately asked me what I did to her. I have no idea when she wrote this. She got the paper for Christmas so some time between then and now. My Mom made me promise I wouldn't mention it to her since she'd be devastated if she knew I'd read it and I agreed, but the more I thought about it the more I knew I had to talk with her.

I was fairly certain she had written it after being sent to her room. Maya has big emotions, she always has and I'm trying to teach her that while it's okay to be angry, sad, disappointed, frustrated etc she still needs to be able to express it in a way that is appropriate. So if she's angry and stomping around the kitchen or yelling at her sister she's asked to retire to her room until she's able to talk more calmly about how she's feeling. I never tell her what she's feeling is wrong, but just because she's feeling that way doesn't give her license to steam roll over everyone in her path. Once she's calm she has all of my attention to talk her way through whatever is causing the upset. It's most definitely a work in progress. Lest you think it's all tantrums here all the time, it's really not. At her very center Maya is a very sweet and deeply loving little girl. When I say she has big emotions she does and love is definitely her biggest. If she loves you it's with her whole absolute heart. When she does get angry it's usually over very fast, a pit stop in her room, a little chat and she's right as rain and she doesn't hold a grudge. I wish I could be a bit more like her.

Bedtime is usually when I check in with both kids. It's the one on one point of the day. It's an is anything bothering you, any issues, what's up with you sort of chat. I was tucking her in when I casually mention I'd found a letter on her desk. She eyed me warily, but played it very close to the chest, what did it say, she asked me. So I recited off some of my favourite lines... Mom is a big baby. Mom is poopy. She covered her face in the blanket and replied, I was very angry that you'd sent me to my room. Oh yes, I told her, I could tell. She had a little cry and was worried she had hurt my feelings and I assured her that in absolutely no way were my feelings hurt. I told her I was proud of her for writing how she was feeling down on a piece of paper. That it is a good way to work through her feelings. I asked her if she still felt that way and she was very adamant that she didn't. Then I asked her if she thought I had a mustache... that got a little laugh. In the end it was a good talk and I'm sure there will be more "letter writing" in her future, but with my added suggestion of ripping them up when she's finished because as much as it may feel good to write it at the time it certainly doesn't feel good when the subject of the letter finds and reads them.

4 comments:

Oh, I absolutely loved this story. Your Maya reminds me a lot of my youngest - big stormy emotions sometimes, but they blow over quickly. I love that she was actually able to write it all out - that is great! - and that you handled it so well. I think maybe we have a couple of diary writers between us - or bloggers! :)
Awhhh...you're a good Mom! I think I probably would have cried and then laughed and then cried. =)
how nice the way you handle these things!
I totally think I would have cried! I think you took it really well and I think you helped her see that it's okay to do that. I use a journal to work out those feelings.