still learning to communicate

Someone important to me was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. The desire for them to seek out the diagnosis may have been surprising to me, but once I was made aware of their reasoning and what the symptoms looked like, it made a lot of sense and ultimately explained a myriad of things. I knew improved communication was something this person was hoping a diagnosis was going to help drive forward in their everyday life and I was curious to see how that would work itself out.

Recently the two of us found ourselves in a conversation that we were coming at from different points of view. It wasn't a right or wrong sort of conversation, we just saw things differently. We were both attempting to  make our points clear, but we were both getting frustrated and ultimately not hearing each other. Taking their recent diagnosis into account and their desire for improved communication I said, hey can we stop for a moment? And so we stopped and I asked, what do you think I am saying here? What is my position? We were both quiet for a moment and they said, well, I don't know. Okay, I offered, I'll sum up my thoughts in one short basic sentence and you do the same. So we did and the conversation continued, but with both of us able to hear what the other was saying. I let them know I understood that articulating thoughts was sometimes difficult and it was hard for them to sort out their own ideas while also trying to digest information at the same time. 

We've talked several times since that conversation about how much we both appreciated that the knowledge of their ADHD diagnosis allowed us to rework how we were communicating with each other in real time as it was beginning to derail and save us both from potentially hurt feelings and unnecessary misunderstandings. These are issues that can come up in conversations between us that feature differing opinions. From my side it allows me to not get caught up in the cycle of feeling like they are simply choosing not to listen, budge or compromise on their point. They are clearly very capable of all of that, if they are allowed the time and grace, from me in this instance, to gather their thoughts. And while they can expect me to employ this tactic again in the future, I also hope they're learning to feel comfortable in asking for that accommodation in real time.  Someone recently said to me that while ADHD may make some things more challenging it has also required this person to develop other strong skills in response. Which, from my vantage point, is completely true. I hope this news only serves to help them (and me) learn and embrace more pathways to being successful in all things.