I was Lucky

I met Jean about a year ago. She had transferred to our store from Toronto and we teamed up almost right away. Intially she was a little quiet, but before long her true personality was coming through loud and clear. Very quickly we became friends despite our age gap, which was considerable. She was nearly old enough to be my grandmother and maybe that's why I was drawn to her. She had many of the same qualities as my maternal grandmother. She had a big heart, a very quick wit and no fear of letting you know what she thought, but somehow she always managed to do it in a nice way. That itself is a very rare gift. As we worked side by side day after day we got to know more about each other and shared the stories of our lives. She was always interested in me and my family. She always asked about my daughter, which allowed me to be the "proud mom". She often shared stories with me about her own children, her son, daughter and son-in-law. And her mother, who is still alive, living on her own in her 3 story home and taking care of a neighbour who was younger than her. Jean's Mom is a dynamo and it was easy to see Jean took after her. Jean was constantly making me laugh. She had a sense of humour you just didn't expect to come out of her. She made work a lot of fun.

Not long after Jean arrived at our store she began complaining of headaches and just generally not feeling well. This coincided with a large can falling off a shelf and knocking her on the head. That in itself became a running joke with us all. Jean went to various doctor's appointments to try and pin point what the problem could be. I could tell she wasn't herself as it got closer to Christmas. The week before Christmas was when we got the awful news. After a trip to the hosptial they had found a mass on her brain that would need to be removed. The doctor's felt it was just a mass and not cancerous. They would remove it and barring any complications that go along with brain surgery she would be back to work in a matter of weeks. Jean came through the surgery with flying colours. Her biggest complaint was about all the sitting still she had to do. Like her mother, she just had to be active. It was at her post-op appointment that the bad news came, the mass had been cancerous and they started chemo right away. I talked to Jean on her birthday and she sounded chipper and happy. She hoped she felt well enough to go out for dinner with her kids later that night. After talking to her I was filled with hope. You just don't like to think things will get worse.

Somehow it did though. Not long ago we got the news that the cancer had spread and the doctor's felt it was time to stop treatments. Earlier this week at home with her kids and her mother by her side Jean went to sleep for the last time. I thank God her suffering has ended. I thank God for taking her while she slept. On Friday afternoon I attended Jean's funeral. While I can't say that I enjoy funerals, the ritual does bring me comfort. The very least I can do is take some time to rejoice Jean's life. To show Jean and her family that she mattered to me. The hardest part for me is when they bring in the deceased with the family following behind. I don't like to do it and I don't like to watch it. Friday was no exception, especially seeing Jean's Mother who looks painfully like her daughter. I was prepared for it to be a very emotional service.

Jean was French so a lot fo the service was in French. Not understanding what the priest was saying allowed me to get my emotions under control. The sermon, however, was in English. The Priest actually said, several times, that Jean had gotten cancer and died because she had sinned. He then went on to speak for 15 minutes about how cancer is caused by pollution (so I'm not really sure if it's sinning or pollution that causes cancer). How Canadian gas is 50% more polluting than the gas they use in California and 500% more polluting than the gas used in Europe. If European's want to bring their car to Canada they have to get the engine modified to be able to use our gas. He spoke about the reason for the extreme humidity we've been experiencing, we cut down too many trees. I was mortified. How was this comforting to the family. As I listened to him ramble on I could almost see Jean sitting beside me, giving me that look she had. Her "what the hell is this all about look?" He did make me think of Jean with a bit of a smile, I will give him that. He ended his "sermon" by saying the Hail Mary; 1 for Jean, 1 for all of us gathered there and 1 for the government because they're taking religion out of the schools. This sermon spoke volumes to me about why so many young people are turning away from traditional churches.

I felt horrible after the service, empty some how. It's wasn't the send off I was hoping for Jean. So here's my own simple one.... Goodbye Jean. I will miss you more than I can say. I am grateful for our short time together and blessed to have been able to call you a friend. You touched my soul. Until we meet again.... Adieu.