Cha-ching!

Well it appears, according to this article anyway, that I am entitled to a big ass raise. Oh, but it's not just me. It's all of you as well. All my fellow sisters in motherhood out there. All of you, whether you work inside of the home or outside as well as inside. Yes ladies our ship has finally come in. According to compensation experts we Moms are doing the equivalent to 10 separate jobs and as such should be paid $134,121 USD if we stay at home and $85,876 USD if we have outside employment.

All I have to say is direct me to the human resources department. I'm ready to sign off on all required paperwork. Taxation forms, banking info for direct deposit, code of conduct, harassment policies and my emergency contact info. Oh and while I'm here... do you offer profit sharing, stock options, RRSP programs and when do my paid sick days come into effect?

So what jobs are we being paid for exactly? Here's some of my favourites;

Housekeeper: Hands down this is the job I spend the most time on. Now I don't know about your house, but my can look perfectly spotless when I retire to bed for my 4 hours of sleep. Some how by breakfast the following morning the place looks like I've been raising goats in here. How does that happen?

Laundry Machine Operator: Another job that takes up a fair bit of my time. Of course I hang all of my laundry outside to dry. Just hanging one load takes me 20 - 30 minutes. I have to do at least a load of laundry per day otherwise... well I don't like to think about what would happen if I didn't. I probably spend 90 minutes on laundry related tasks per day. Now there's only 4 of us and we have a front loading machine and they can handle a very large load of laundry yet I still have to be pretty diligent to stay on top of it. Of course it could be worse, I could be Mrs. Duggar.

Janitor: Attempted to flush a whole roll of toilet paper? No worries, Mom's here with the plunger. Thought the new TV would look better with covered with yellow crayon. No problem, Mom's got a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. Think the speakers would look nicer with a thick coat of peanut butter on them? Have at 'er, Mom can get all the peanut butter out of those tiny little holes with some uncooked spaghetti when you're finished. Take your time.

Psychologist: Abby, would you like to tell Mommy why you felt it necesary to remove all of your clothes? Again? Oh I'm sorry I didn't ask if your imaginary friends wanted a snack, I just didn't see them. Would you like to tell me why you're so angry and could you maybe stop the screaming before you wake up your sister?

I wonder if I can get a pay raise if I point out that I actually do more than the 10 listed jobs. Like Finanace Manager/Book Keeper: Well kids the grocery budget this week only allows for Kraft Dinner and Ramen Noodles.

Entertainment Co-ordinator: Sure you can watch Toy Story 2 again. How about Mommy just puts it on repeat?

Community Outreach Supervisor: No I haven't heard what's going on with the Smith's. What have you heard? Give me all the details.

Nature Trail Guide: Yes that is a pretty stick. Oh and you want to bring that one home too? What about the 5 you're already carrying?

And of course the mother of all jobs. The one job that makes mothering all worth while....
Shipper/Receiver: Sure sweetie, all the hugs and kisses you'd like. You just have to promise to give them back.