Tales From the Fairy Blogmother

What is it about men and the common cold that turns them into a total pain the ass? Have there been studies done on this? If not there should be. I wouldn't at all be surprised to learn that the common cold is the leading cause of death in married men. Not because of any medical complications but because I'm fairly certain that a large number of wives likely kill their husbands. I kow it's a thought that has crept into my mind a few hundred dozen times in the last three days. Michael came home early from work on Tuesday and he's been here moaning, whining, complaining, sneezing, blowing his nose, coughing and popping Advil like it's going out of style ever since.

I don't want to say that a husband with the common cold is the worst thing imaginable but there's lots of other things I would like to experience in it's place. For example: I would rather cover myself in honey and lay down on an ant hill. I would rather sit down with Tom Cruise and listen politely while he explained Scientology and all it's benefits to me. I would rather trade places with Mrs. Duggar when all 16 kids had the chicken pox and it was laundry day. I would rather..... well I'm sure you get the picture.

If it wasn't bad enough that he's the first man ever to have a cold (Why do they all act like that? Hmmm? Why?) yesterday morning his cold medicine impaired brain thought it would be a great idea to bring up "The Discussion" yet again. We have had "The Discussion" a few hundred dozen times over the course of our marriage. This is "The Discussion" in which Mike tries to convince me we should move. Mike routinely gets cases of "The Grass is Greener Syndrome". They usually pop up when he's in the middle of an irritating repair or renovation job or the sump pump has backed up or he's jacked up on all kinds of over the counter medications. I'm actually surprised he brought it up because it usually doesn't surface when he's pleased with the house and he's defintely pleased with the job he's doing on the backsplash. Check it out, not bad for a rookie.



The thing about Mike is I know him better than he knows himself. So I know while he thinks a newer house is the way to go I know that he would hate having a mere 10 feet of space separating us from our neighbours on either side. He would hate a tiny fenced in back yard and that the kids toys would take up the vast majority of it. He would hate having no trees that were taller than him around for miles. He wouldn't hate it right away of course, but eventually he would hate it. Then I would have to listen to an endless litany of why we never should have moved. And we would be moving again.

Occasionally I do feel bad about refusing to even discuss the possibility with Mike. Who am I to make such a huge decision for us both? Then I think, well why the hell does he get to decide that we're moving? Mike thinks I'm attached to this house because I grew up here and I would be lying if I said I wasn't, but it's such a small part of the picture. On the grand scale I love it more because it's where Mike and I have built our life and our family together. I love it for how much work we've put into it. I love it for how much work we still plan on doing. I have a vision in my head of the completed project and I so much want to see that through to the end. I love the size of our mortgage and I wouldn't want to trade it for a bigger one, which we would have to do to move. I love my neighours. They are perfect neighbours. Everybody is friendly and helpful with out getting into your business too much. There's at least 6 houses I could go to right now and borrow a cup of sugar or have them watch my kids in a pinch. It's a neighbourhood where the men can gather and discuss their home repairs/renovations and the ladies gather and bitch about who's husband is taking the longest with said repairs/renovations. For the record my neighbour across the street is currently in the lead with 6 years on a master bedroom/bathroom renovation.

Today the chemical fog had lifted from his brain and he was eager to discuss "The List". It's a notebook in which I keep track of the ongoing projects in the house and what's required to finish each one. That led to a conversation about what project should be started next. Looks like Abby and Maya's toy/guest room. It needs a complete gutting, the walls need to be insulated, new floor, ceiling, closet with built ins and so on. It's one of those projects that you think well if I'm doing "A" I should take care of "B" at the same time and if we're doing "B" then we should take a look at doing "C" and before you know it you've just tacked on project "Z" and you've torn down half your house. All for a quick little renovation job that should take no time at all. Now why would anybody want to give that up?