It seems bizarrely coincidental that I would discover and become addicted to facebook so close to Reconciliation Day. Yes, today has been declared the day for patching things up by Ann Landers herself. Since I signed myself up for a facebook account on Sunday it's been a real stroll down memory lane and the thought of reconciliation has been on my mind.
It's an unfortunate side of life that friends and some times family come and go. People drift apart, lives don't always match in a way that's conducive to keeping a relationship going. If you happen to be young, single and out to have fun, well your plans may not always match with a friend who's married with a young child. Phone calls get further and further apart and before you know it you haven't spoken in months or even longer. It happens and it's not necessarily anyones fault. Then there are times when the break up is acrimonious. When a friend has disappointed you and/or hurt your feelings or vice versa.
I heard somewhere, I think on the Mom Show, that breaking up with a girlfriend is hard to do for us women. I can agree with that. I've had my heart broken a time or two before by men and a couple of boys in my day, but I don't think about them as much I think about girl friends I've "lost" along the way. If it was a case of simply drifting away I often wonder what they're doing now, curious to catch up. I find that when you work with someone and spend 40 hours a week with them it's hard to adjust to a new relationship when that person has moved on. I was happy to see some of those long lost work relationships have already made their way onto my facebook friends list. Those relationships are easy to reconcile with just a little bit of effort.
This post isn't really meant to be about those, but rather the complicated ones. The ones that sustained serious damage. The ones where lines were drawn, feelings were hurt and sides were taken. Time is a great healer so what happens if after years have past you find yourself wondering about those lost relationships? How do you know if you should extend that olive branch and see what it gets you? What if your attempts at reconciliation are akin to rubbing salt in a wound?
I have a friendship that ended with hurt feelings years ago. With time and space comes the realization that I made some mistakes in my behaviour. I often think of extending that olive branch and seeing what it gets me, but for some reason I hold back. Maybe because I'm afraid of being rejected, but larger than that I am acutely aware that any apology for my past transgressions will be of little comfort. That it will be a painful reminder of how truly too little and too late I am. As often as I think of extending my hand I just as often think that I shouldn't bother to rock the boat. That I should let bygones be bygones. That nothing good ever comes from digging up old hurts. And so I sit, stuck here at indecision and it could be that's where I'll stay.
4 comments:
I love the last line here; you've touched on what I think a lot of us feel when we really start thinking about such things.
What a thoughtful post, Shannon. Like you, and probably most women, I too have a friendship or two that has ended badly and it is so hard to revisit it after time has past. Like you, I imagine I'll continue to sit and consider but not actually take action.
I think this is such a common experience for women. My boyfriend has had the same best friend since he was 6. That amazes me, and I'm more than a little jealous. So many of my good friends and I have drifted.
But, I guess it helps you appreciate the ones who have stayed close!
Thanks ladies. This is something that has really been on my mind for quite a long time. There are moments when I am absolutely certain I'm going to attempt to re-connect, but it usually passes shortly after. I guess it just seems odd to ignore something I have such strong feelings about. Nice to know I'm not the only one.
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