This Mom thing certainly isn't getting any easier. Nor is navigating the public school system. With a mere four days left of school you'd think it would be smooth sailing until the end, but no, there's hiccups. There will always be hiccups.
One advantage to taking the scenic route to having a family was the amount of time Mike and I had alone together. Time we spent talking about how we were going to raise these hypothetical children that we were hoping one day would be a reality. Now that the kids have finally arrived. We're still talking about how we're going to raise them. Now that Abby is in school it's a whole other ball game, new field, new set of rules.
Well it has taken till the end of the year, but Abby has finally gotten herself an invite to a birthday party. Actually she got herself two invitations, for the same weekend. Now back in our pre-kid days Mike and I felt strongly about limiting the number of parties our future children would attend. Neither Mike or I grew up having extravagant parties, but I think that was pretty standard for the time. It seems these days with kids parties it's go big or go home and, due to the nature of our business, we've certainly seen that up close. Yes, I do realize the irony of this post, "complaining" about extravagant birthday parties when that very thing is our bread and butter. And to be honest, there are some out there who may consider Abby's party to have been extravagant. I'm not here to judge anyone, just trying to make the best decision for our family.
So last week we get these two invitations home. One is for Saturday and it's for Abby's "bestest friend ever". The little guy with the "new Mom" that was obsessing about for Abby's party. The second one is for Sunday and for a little girl that Abby has barely mentioned in the course of the school year. After much deliberation we accepted the invitation for Saturday and declined the invitation for Sunday. And believe me there was much deliberation. And hand wringing. And Mommy guilt. Buckets of Mommy guilt. You see one thing Mike and I had agreed on was no more than one party per weekend, if it ever came to that. Of course when presented with the scenario in real life I questioned whether or not we were making the right decision. But, I argued, she's only been invited to two parties all school year. But the Sunday party is only 2 hours long. But, but, but.
But this is already a busy weekend with work commitments and other obligations. Right now Sunday is looking like the only quiet time all weekend. I am also well aware of Abby's inability to handle a lot of activities, she needs her downtime. Over booking her is just asking for a melt down of epic proportions and I would be stupid to sign up for the voluntarily. Then I started feeling guilty because even though Abby hasn't spoken much about this little girl, maybe, just maybe, that little girl goes home and speaks of nothing, but Abby. It was while I wrestled with that one that my Mom mentioned that Abby might feel left out if all the other kids are talking about the birthday party and she didn't get to go. Gee thanks Mom, wasn't torturing myself enough over here.
Sigh, what's a Mom to do? I think ultimately we have made the right decision, but I still continue to beat myself up over it. I don't think Abby's quite old enough to really grasp the whole left out feeling in this circumstance. In fact I'm not even sure she's aware she was invited. We certainly never told her she was and she has yet to mention anything about the second birthday party. I think the odds are pretty good that we aren't scarring her for life. I think.
What do you think? What's your opinion and/or rules in regards to birthday parties?
5 comments:
Although we haven't hit the birthday party circuit yet, John and I both dislike the extravagant birthday parties that seem to be the norm now. We have agreed that our kids' parties will be like ours were when we were kids - some games, a small treat bag, bbq and cake. We haven't discussed the issue of being invited to parties and how many we'll allow per weekend, but I like your and Mike's approach and will probably adopt that for my own. I don't want our lives ruled by our 5 year old's social calendar.
Unfortunately we don't really get to decide on how many birthday parties will be attended during a weekend. The invites & the RSVPs are doine at the kid's mom's house so we just get the times & where they need to be. This leaves me a bit peeved quite often b/c they tend to be in really busy weekends (like this one). Plus, I don't want to be the wicket stepmom who says "No, we're not going to 14 birthday parties per weekend". So off we go. The absolute worst was a party that was on Easter weekend. Dewey drove Will back into Calgary from Nana's for the party....1 hour each way. Ridiculous! I wouldn't have done it but he didn't want to be the bad guy.
Long story short....I think it can get ridiculous. Just wait until you have Abby & Maya with seperate birthday party invites!
Karen, that's pretty much our approach. Although our small family bbq's turn out quite large thanks to this big crazy family we have.
Merry, yes that would be frustrating. When my parents split up I don't remember my Mom ever "booking" anything for us on weekends we were to be with my Dad. I think that was seen as "his time" and not hers to dictate. I have certainly have been involved in the step-family dynamic and can appreciate what a whole other kettle of fish that is.
Yes, I'm not looking forward to Abby and Maya both being invited to birthday parties, but I'm working really hard now at getting into the habit of keeping tight control on our schedule. We already spend enough time apart from each other. Especially in the summer with the business occupying most of our weekends.
We actually had two parties on Saturday--one from 11-1:30 on one side of town (a bowling center) and one on the complete opposite side of town (in my neighborhood) from 12-3.
It was crazy, but we made both parties. And a 2.5 hour playdate afterwards.
We generally try to have Maya attend every party she's invited to out of courtesy to the birthday kid. Too many parties for my older kids were difficult to get kids to attend because of their summer birthdays, so it's totally that issue coming back at me.
The parties this weekend were bowling with 10 kids and a backyard circus party with about 30 people (incl. adults), but I don't think they were extravagant.
Maya's own parties have been low-key, IMO. Rollerskating, an at-home princess party, regular old at-home parties...
Hey Shan
Wow that sounds pretty crazy busy to me. It's great Maya can handle that much. It would be way too much for Abby.
I think my general rule will be for her to attend her friend's birthday parties. I know some parents invite the whole class or all of the girls/all of the boys.
We are in the kid's birthday party business and believe me I have seen some extravagant birthday parties. Oh well, as with anything it's all subjective and we've all just got to do whatever we feel best for our kids.
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