toot toot

Mike is a restless sleeper. I am not. We are total sleep opposites. He is jealous of my ability to lie down, fall asleep and hours later wake up in the same position, give or take. I am jealous of his ability to fall asleep quickly. I usually have to let my mind wander around torturing myself with random off the wall thoughts for many many minutes. I do not envy his jimmy legs, his bathroom breaks or his inability to decide if he's hot or cold. But somehow we have managed to sleep in the same bed for over a decade now. And then there was last night......

After an hour of my own mind torturing I was attempting to drift off into sleep only to be continually interrupted by the tossing, the turning, the intermittent snoring and eventually the total denial of the existence of said intermittent snoring that I was very close to committing murder. I was going to have to do something to get some sleep. And it was going to be something drastic.

In the dark I crept across the hall and scooped up a sleeping Abby. Carrying her back to my room I tucked her in bed beside her father. Then scooping up my own pillow I crept back across the hall and climbed into Abby's bed. I closed my eyes and reveled in the blissful silence. And that's when I realized that Maya kicks her side of the wall. All night. I solved that problem with a little ceiling fan white noise. And I slept.

As the alarm rang this morning I heard Abby's bedroom door open. I was expecting Mike checking to make sure I was up, but instead it was Abby. She crossed the room and climbed on the bed to lay across me. I said, "good morning" and waited for her to comment on waking up in our bed and finding me in her bed.

Instead I got this.....

"You wouldn't fart in here, would you?"