So my amazing friend Karen has been bragging all over the internet about her amazing daughter who does incredible things like use the potty! And just on the day I was going to post about Maya and her complete refusal of any and all things potty related. She may just go to kindergarten in a pull up.
Yeah...... jealous much?
In her stocking this year Santa tucked a package of panties. Maya was excited to get them and excited to wear them. Or so she said. Come the Saturday after Christmas I tried to put a pair on her and you would have thought I was attempting to dip her in a vat of sulfuric acid. Somehow I managed to prevail and she was wearing a brand new pair of polka dot undies. A mere sixty minutes from the moment the panties covered her bottom she had a total of three accidents. We stood in the bathroom, her and I, and I attempted to clear her up while she shouted at me....
I AM NEVER GOING POTTY!!!
Variations on that theme are very popular here.
I AM NEVER EATING! - popular at dinner time.
I AM NEVER GOING CAR! - popular whenever we need to leave the house.
I AM NEVER GOING BED! - popular at nap and bed times.
But this is about the potty. After the three accidents in an hour it was nap time and I slipped her back into a pull up. She's going to be three in a couple of weeks and I'm not really sure what to do with her. I thought that, like Abby, the transition to panties would speed the potty process along, but she's content to pee where she stands whether she's in a pull up or not. She has zero interest in it. Well I shouldn't say that, she is a champion potty tooter. When she does ask to use the potty that's all she does.
She has been asking to wear panties, occasionally, just like she occasionally asks to use the potty. Typically she wants to use it right after I've put her to bed because she knows that will buy her a trip downstairs to the bathroom, prolonging that bed time by just a little bit. She knows that I have treats for her if she would only go, but it's not enough to persuade her.
My instinct is to let her go. I figure if she is starting to show interest in wearing undies and sitting on the toilet those are good signs. Then I start to second guess myself because everything with Maya is a struggle to one degree or another. It's hard for me to gauge just how much is just her being stubborn, because oh boy is she stubborn, and how much of it is she's really not ready just yet. Just another instance in my Mommy career when a crystal ball would come in handy.
Any and all potty advice will be gladly accepted.
9 comments:
Sorry, can't give you any advice on this one. I do have to say that you and Karen are freaking me out for the time Max needs to start potty training. Be prepared for many similar posts around this time next year. I imagine you both will just refer me to your previous posts!
Good luck!!
Turns out that I have no idea what I'm doing (see my recent post). Looks like we're in the same boat! Toilet training is so darn hard. I hate it.
Sorry...I don't think I have any sage advice for you. I think we were lucky in that Jamie just wanted to be like Maddie...and both girls really, REALLY, wanted to go to school so the bribe of, "Oh, well, if you want to go to school you can't be in pull-ups...you have to wear big girl underwear and use the potty...all the time" worked well for us.
What? You aren't supposed to bribe your kids? Oh.
p.s. Maya is still only whittle...
I have 3-4 books on the subject. They all say not to do what worked with Motor Mouth. Motor Mouth only became potty trained because his best friend spent 3 nights with us and I said, "MALACHI is potty-trained. HE'S a BIG boy. You're a BABY." Over and over. The books advise against taunting and humiliating your child. He was 3+. Suddenly, months of hard work paid off and he was immediately potty trained.
I tried everything the books said with Motor Mouth. Charts, calling people, treats, the works. Didn't do any of it with Mini Me. Maybe I was too old by then.
As hard and expensive as it is, wait until she is ready. As frustrating as that may be, just keep waiting. She is strong-willed and won't give you the satisfaction until she is ready. You might want to read Dr. James Dobson's "The Strong Willed Child". That might give you some strategies you can incorporate.
Mini Me showed great interest for months and months. But her speech and understanding was not there yet. I'm sure Maya has that as she is about a year older. I've heard people give their child a date. Like, "When you are 4, you will be a big girl and you will go pee pee in the potty all the time." And I've heard it works. On the 4th birthday, the child has been prepped and does it.
Does Maya want to go to preK or kindergarten? Because she can't go if she is not potty-trained, so that could be motivation for her. Have you asked her why she doesn't want to go potty? Did she fall in once? Does she just like being the baby? Mini Me likes being a 'Big Girl' and refuses to be termed a 'Baby'. We can't even say, "Come here, Baby" or she freaks out. Babies go potty in their diapers. She is not a baby. She is a big girl. (excuuuuuse me)
Now, I do have a friend who lives in Burlington that is a potty expert. I've called her MANY times. She has taught 2 yr olds how to potty for over 20 years. I can give you her number. Email me or Facebook me if you want it.
I have a blog on the experiences of getting Mini Me potty trained. If you go to my profile, it is Adventures in Potty Training with Mini Me (or something like that). Mini Me wakes up at night and goes to the bathroom. If only we can get Motor Mouth to do the same...I do have a book on that too!!
Emily fought me at every turn until she was 33 months, and then suddenly it just all came together and that was that. Not even a backward glance.
Jared was fully potty trained at 26 months old, with a very rare slip up here and there for awhile, but mostly just fantastic.
Connor was perfectly happy and willing to sit and pee on the toilet by the time he was just shy of 21 months old and I thought by the time two years old rolled around, we'd be golden. We're at 30.5 months right now without an end in sight. If I set a timer, he happily pees each time I put him on. He doesn't resist the pee attempts. He loves LOVES to be in his big boy underwear. But he mostly doesn't care about initiating the potty use himself (except, like you said, within minutes of being put to bed, and then he truly does pee every time, even if we got him to pee already right before bed). The biggest problem is that he refuses to poop in the toilet. If I can tell he's about to poop (which is tricky because he's onto me now and wanders off to poop so I don't catch him) I put him on the toilet and he holds it and holds it and refuses to let things happen. If he has an accident in his underwear, he tells us right away and wants to be changed (so he DOES care that he's wet or poopy), but it doesn't prompt him the next time to tell me he has to go. I have to stay on top of the time, which is hard to do with two other kids and a FULL schedule most days.
stubborn? I sooooooo hear you there. I'm at a total loss. When you get some good advice, clue me in. Treats, prizes, "parties" (bubble blowing, cheering, etc) are great as they happen, but not enough to persuade him to be more successful. The more I push, the more he digs in his heels.
car rides, meal time, etc?? Feel your pain there, my friend. Connor and Maya sound like a matched pair, for sure...
What worked for M was the timer, we just took her every 30 miniutes for a week, she would sit there, some times potty, someitmes not, but she would go. And then when she was peeing pretty well we would extend the time a bit. 45 mins... it worked that way until we finally got her to start asking to go, just happened.
Julie - sorry for the freak out:)
Karen - oh me too!! Hate it!
Normie - very true and I think that a lot of the time too. She's still little. I just did her birthday invitation and wrote that Maya was 2, wishful thinking on my part. I wish Maya wanted to be like Abby... Maya just wants to be Maya:)
Widney - Dude I have been reading it. I think I'm just going to have to wait it out with her. Today she came up the steps from the recroom at the sitters. Walked right past me into their bathroom. Got the step stool, got the potty seat and set it all up. She climbed up on the stool and started pulling down her pants then she noticed I was watching and that was the end of that. Gotta be on her terms I guess.
Leah - Since she got the panties for Christmas she will periodically ask to wear them when we are home. She call for me while she's having an accident and she's usually upset about it. I think she just needs to work on figuring out her own body cues. Maybe... who knows?
Betsy - I did the timer thing. It was like scheduling my day full of temper tantrums and melt downs at 30 minute intervals. Like I said it's got to be on her terms.
Good luck is all I have to say.
Gregory wears underware all but bedtime. He still has accidents. He can go almost a week with out any then have accidents all day the next.
I just don't give up.
Eventually I guess.
So I am going through the same thing!!! Except that mine is my almost three year old little boy. THE only way I can get him to go to the potty is to let him run around naked. It works when we are at home but I can't really take him out in public naked. I really believe it is that we both just have strong willed children and this is one thing about them they know we can not control. He loves his lightning McQueen underwear but he could care less if he pees on McQueen or not. I have to bribe him. He will work at for a new car or even a piece of chocolate. But once he has it the motivation is over! If you find something that works let me know, and vise versa. Good Luck!
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