I hadn't yet realized the significance of the date when you crept into my mind earlier today. You do that, every now and then, pop up in the most unlikely places. I was at church, knitting while the girls had their choir practice. They sat with their backs to me, practicing next Sunday's hymn, but even from that angle I could tell they were enjoying themselves. I heard their voices blending in with the rest of the choir. What a happy sound. And there you were.
I found myself wishing very hard that you could be there right at that moment to hear what I was hearing. To hear the joy. I was disappointed and maybe even a little angry because somewhere inside of me I feel like it all could have been different if you could have only found a better way. That being said, I wouldn't trade what I have for anything. It's a real double edged sword you've left me with because I honestly feel that the path you set us on led me here and I love here more than anything in the world. I guess that's the silver lining to the whole thing.
I can only imagine you thought we'd be better off without you and I can't say I agree with that, but you were right in your estimation that Mom would be able to handle everything, that you were leaving us in the best possible care. You were. You did. She's amazing. We wouldn't have made it without her.
It's been 25 years since I've seen you and I miss you every day. I miss you for myself, for Mike, for Abby and Maya. I hope, somehow, you know that.
4 comments:
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I wish you healing.
Babes, you've got me in tears over here.
I am sending you a few prayers for healing. The ones left behind are those who have to figure out how to pick up the pieces and move on, even when they don't know how.
I'm sorry you are missing some dear ones
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