Thursday, November 01, 2012

another year

So our basement flooded this week. Not too much, but enough. Luckily Mike's Dad is the best Dad ever. Mike called him incredibly early in the morning and he had it all fixed up before we got home from work. He's pretty amazing like that. Love him.

Also from the list of things I could do without... "that day". The one that passes quietly with little mention. The one that marks that yet another year has passed since I last saw my own Dad. This year Abby is the same age Dave was when it happened. Mike asked me not long ago when I would tell the kids what actually happened and I didn't really have an answer, but I didn't feel like the time was now and yet some how my Mom had to tell us.

What do these two events have in common, well on the outset, nothing, but it's just one more reminder that he's not here. My Dad was a handy guy, mechanically inclined and helpful. A broken sump pump? He could have handled that. I could have called him incredibly early in the morning and said, hey Dad the basement is slowly filling up with water, could you help us out? But I don't get to.

Recently my Mom gave Abby an earring tree that my Dad had given her many many years ago. Abby was thrilled to have it. We brought it home and she stood in the kitchen cradling it in both hands. We talked about the Grandpa she'd never meet and one point she looked at me and said, Mom, I would have called him Papa and then she cocked her head to one side.... Would he have liked that? Yes, he would have.Very much. 

Those conversations are tough. It's heart breaking for me to think he'll be nothing more than a decades old photograph to my kids. I wish very much that wasn't the reality, but it is, so we make it work. I feel I've made my peace with it, but there are times it all creeps up on me. I don't dwell on it for long, but allow the moment and appreciate how lucky my kids are that Mike's Dad is Papa enough for two.


Lynn said...

Oh, this post made me cry the ugly tears. My own dad died when I was young and my kids will never know him beyond a photo or two, as well. My oldest made a family tree when he was in Grade 2 and all the boxes were filled in, and above my box where my dad should have been he had just put a big black X and written "NO". I just about died from heartbreak.

Since then I have tried to talk about him more. He died of cancer so we have talked about that a bit (I know you have a more delicate situation), but more than that, just memories, like when we were carving pumpkins I told them how it was always his job and how we used to do it together.

Anyway, my heart goes out to you, I understand completely.

Chantal said...

my father died (when I was older, 23), I wasn't married so it was long before my kids were born. It also sneaks up on me from time to time. It is painful knowing they will never know him. But I try to talk about it as much as I can handle. Hugs Shan.

just me said...

Love you and Mikes Dad IS the best papa ever, love him too!!!