Monday, April 22, 2013

faking it


Mike snapped this picture of Maya helping me blow out the candles on my birthday cake. I like it. I think I look calm and relaxed and happy when in reality it's way more complicated than that. Things haven't clicked perfectly back into place. My relationships, for the most, part feel off kilter not with Mike or the kids, but other folks in my life. I'm not sure what I'm not getting right these days. I'm sure there's a chance that things aren't quite as dire as they appear to me, but I have a hard time buying into that 100%. I'm trying very hard to remember that what other people think about  me is none of my business, but gosh it's hard when you feel like people all of the sudden aren't card carrying members of the I heart Shanny fanclub even though they were at one point. It weighs on me more heavily that I can say. So I can feel myself pulling back, which is probably making things worse and not better, but........ it all just sucks ass right now. This too shall pass.... right? I hope.


Shannon, you do look beautiful and relaxed, hugging tight your sweet Maya. I know the feeling of needing to be liked, or at least not thought badly about.. it's never ending.. I do not know who you are referencing, but I do know if someone is thinking ill of you it is quite honestly their loss. Cliche, yes...but true. You are a lovely woman, inside and outside. Beautiful mother with loving children who have a heart like you. Trust that you are wonderful and perfect in God's eyes and be confident in yourself. When I look at that picture, I see beauty and your daughter sees that too. You can't hide beauty.. especially when it's the kind the starts inside and bubbles up and out and all over the place.. you are one of those people that people want to be around, to listen to and to love. Many blessings to you my friend.
I <3 Shanny.
I think I'm part of the I heart Shane fan club! You are awesome and I hope things start to feel "right" soon. It isn't easy when you can't pinpoint exactly what is going wrong. Hugs! Know you aren't alone.
those dark times are SO difficult to pull out of, aren't they? It's in looking at pictures like this, and looking at your children and husband-that you realize that even if there was SOMEONE that wasn't part of your fan club-the most important VIP members are life long card carrying members-and they are RIGHT THERE. Keep pushing through! The sun is starting to peep out, and it's starting to get warmer-those things will help too. And...40 is just the beginning of Act II.
I ♥ Shanny!! I know what you mean though. The sad fact is that sometimes people do just drift apart over time sometimes and what drew you together as friends initially may not be there anymore. Typically the friendships that end up drifting away are replaced by new ones that fill new needs in your life/heart. Still hard to see them pass. I lost two good friends last summer, and one I was/am sad to see go, and one I did a little jig over it finally just being DONE. You are loved, lady. Keep your chin up.
Thinking of you.