what is she trying to say?

One of my very helpful children: Oh hey Mom, I just read an article about how if you put a teaspoon in the freezer and then hold it to your eyes it will really help with the bags under your eyes.


Me: ummm, thanks. I guess.

keeping it real

So the oldest recently became a teenager and in celebration of that we gifted her with a cellphone. I was super excited to give it to her. I had entered some trusted adults into her contacts and had them text her birthday messages. Then the best part.... I set her ring tone to happy birthday and we planned to call her on it first thing in the morning.

Here's the thing about me, I have an incredible Mom who took the time to make the little things special when we were growing up. She was probably the 70's equivalent of a pinterest Mom. I look back on my childhood with overwhelming fondness despite it being far from perfect and I want the same for my girls. To that end I get ridiculously excited when I put together a plan like the cellphone birthday plan. On the 13 year old's birthday eve I was busting with excitement. So much so I confided in MyPie as I tucked her in.

Me: Wanna know what we got Abbers for her birthday?
Maya: Yes!
Me: Can you keep this information to yourself until morning?
Maya: Uh, yeah.
Me: Okay, we got her a cellphone! She's going to freak out, right?
Maya: Yes!!!
Me: I can't wait to give it to her.

and then, in typical youngest child fashion...

Maya: Uh, could I put my name on that card? I didn't actually get her anything.

it was the style at the time

Lets see if I remember how to do this.

Me: So do you think I've changed at all in the past couple of years?
Child Who Shall Remain Nameless: Well, your style has.
Me: Oh really? How do you think my style has changed?
CWSRN: Well you don't wear overalls anymore.

even the little one thinks i'm lame

Me: Hey My, can you pass me Dad's cell phone.
Maya: Mom! Nobody calls it a cell phone anymore.
Me: They don't?
Maya: No.
Me: What do they call it then?
Maya: A phone, Mom. It's a phone. You want me to pass you Dad's phone.

she really wants that vacuum cleaner

Once upon a time we had a very cool cordless Shark vacuum cleaner. Not a full size vacuum cleaner, just something small to pull out for a quick everyday once over the carpet. The kids loved it and that means this Mama didn't have to vacuum because y'all know vacuuming is my least favourite of all the household chores. When I say we used to have one of these magical Shark vacuums, I really mean we had two and we wore out both of them. Currently we have no Sharks in the house only the central vac, which I dislike with the heat of a thousand suns.

And that brings us too this morning..

Mike: Hey, did you see the new Shark cordless vacuum cleaner like we used to have?
Maya: I've seen it!!
Me: No.
Mike: It's really cool and it's cordless! We should get another one for doing this carpet.
Me: I've never seen it.
Maya: I have!!
Mike: It's only $150.
Me: Oh, only $150, huh?
Maya: I have twenty bucks you can have if that will help you out.

lost my street cred

It's Christmas shopping season and since I am an old lady now I had to check in with one of my darling daughters about whether or not something was still in vogue with the kids, so to speak.

It went a little something like this...

Me: Hey is this still cool?
Darling Daughter: Yeah, that is still cool, but you know what's not cool? My Mom asking me if things are still cool.

And yes, she did say it with that "my Mom is so lame" eye roll.

funny thing happened on the way home

This afternoon, just around the time Maya should be getting home from school it started to rain like crazy. So I grabbed the big umbrella and headed out to meet her bus so she wouldn't get soaked walking home. As I waited three different people... who clearly weren't hugged enough as children..... came too quickly down the street and just like you've seen a hundred times on TV splashed me from head to toe under my giant umbrella with freezing cold, disgusting, puddle water. And so there I stood, soaking wet under my umbrella that I brought to.... you know... keep me dry. The things we do for love, am I right?

Maya, of course, was thrilled to see me and my umbrella, so we walked the long way home and as we walked we talked......

Maya: Look at those chickens! They're getting wet, but not those chickens under the tree. They are the smart chickens. The ones getting wet over there are the dumb chickens.
Me: Well you aren't getting wet either, so you must be a smart chicken too.
Maya: With a smart chicken mother!

and then...

Me: Hey, guess what happened to me while I was waiting for your bus!
Maya: What?
Me: Three cars went past me really fast and splashed me with puddle water. I'm soaked. Isn't that horrible?
Maya: It might also be funny.

oh that kid....

what are you trying to say here kid?

Me: Hey Maya, do you want ice cream?
Maya: Yes, please........ but could you put it in a cone?
Me: It's already in a cone, sweets.
May: Yay!
Me: Go ahead, you can say it....
Maya: What?
Me: Best Mom Ever!
Maya: Best Mom EVER!!

and then quietly to Mike.....

Maya: But actually she's my only Mom, so.......

she really is too much

Maya and I are cuddled up on the couch together watching a movie.

Me: You are a cutie, ya know!
Maya: Well duh! Who wouldn't think I'm adorable?

You gotta admire her confidence, right?

negotiations

Me: Are you here to rub my back?
Maya: Nope.
Me: Are you sure you don't want to rub my back? I'll  pay you a nickel.
Maya: I'll do it for ten bucks.
Me: How about a quarter?
Maya: Twenty bucks.
Me: Fifty cents?
Maya: Twenty. Bucks.
Me: Seventy-five cents?
Maya: Nope.  A twenty.
Me: How about a loonie?
Maya: No! And a toonie won't work either. Twenty bucks for one minute. That's it.

She's tough. I didn't get the back rub, but she didn't get the twenty bucks either.

bazinga

This was a busy vacation. Full of much needed home repairs, volunteer obligations and such. Maya has spent the last couple of days sleeping in and avoiding getting out of her jammies for as long as possible to make up for all the busyness. Mike and Abby were both working today so it was just me and MyPie hanging out.

Maya: Mom, can you close that curtain?
Me: No. Why don't you just put on pants.*
Maya: Nah, that's doing sumthin' and I wanna do nothin'.

*The problem here is she slept in a t-shirt and undies and she's afraid someone will see her and her underoos through the window.

my kids have the best conversations

Maya: Dad is the weirdest person in the family!
Abby: No he's not!!
Maya: He farts the whole night, you don't think that's weird?

she figured me out

Maya had a bad dream the other night so we ended up laying together in the dark in the middle of the night.

Maya: Mom, why don't we have a dog.
Me: I just don't think we have time for a dog.
Maya: Is it because they sometimes poop on the carpet?
Me: No, I think it will be a lot of extra work for Mommy.
Maya: Is it because they sometimes poop on the couch?
Me: No, I don't think we're home enough for a dog.
Maya: It's because they sometimes poop on the couch.

and I thought i looked good

It's been a heck of a week. The list of medical problems in our extended family is as long as my arm right now. Then there is work and laundry and house work and the kids and project deadlines... you know the usual life stuff. I like to think I manage it all pretty well, but sometimes it all gets to be a bit much and then you end up having conversations like this....

Abby: Mom, are you okay?
Me: I am. Yeah. Why?
Abby: Well you look a little stretched.
Me: Huh?
Abby: Stretched. Oh wait, haha, I mean stressed. You look a little stressed. Haha

farts are always funny when you're seven

Maya: I did one toot and three farts in your room.
Me: Gross. What's the difference between a toot and a fart?
Maya: Toots are short, farts are longer.

it's actually a very delicious thing

Anybody in our day to day lives knows that our kids are picky eaters. Some days I think it's getting better, but then again........

Today I whipped up a batch of homemade cheddar jalapeno rolls and a pot of cheeseburger soup for dinner. Abby wandered into the kitchen to stare into the pot. It should be noted that one of the few things that Abby does love for dinner is hamburgers, so I thought there may be a slight chance that she would have some interest in giving soup the ole college try.....

Abby: What's for dinner?
Me: Cheeseburger soup.
Abby: Is that even a thing?

ba dump bump

Maya: Mom, how old is *my Friend who shall remain nameless*?
Me: She's forty.
Maya: Wow.
Me: Why how old did you think she was?
Maya: Thirty.
Me: You should tell her that. She'll love you.
Mike: Boy, you don't know how old anybody is.
Maya: I know how old you are!

still no idea

Me; So MyPie, do you want cake or cupcakes for your birthday?
Maya: I want a cake with cupcakes on top.
Me: You don't want to just pick one or the other?
Maya: No, I want cake with two cupcakes on top.
Me: How about just a bunch of cupcakes with peanut butter frosting?
Maya: Okay how about a cake that looks like a birthday cake?
Me: I don't know what that means.
Maya: It's a cake that's square. No, rectangle. Yeah, a rectangle and it looks like a birthday cake.
Me: You want a cake that looks like one you get at the grocery store?
Maya: No it looks like a birthday cake with candles on it made out of icing.
Me: I really don't know what you want.
Maya: Well it's square and......
Abby: Why don't you just make cupcakes that look like a cake?
Me: ?????
Maya: And chocolate chip cookies.

true story

Oh MyPie... sometimes that kid is just too much to take. Tonight Mike was giving me grief about some such thing. I can't remember what it was exactly now, but he was saying something along the lines of me being no fun.

MyPie was puttering around the kitchen, kinda sorta tidying up and she decided to weigh in on the conversation...

Mom is fun! Dad is just okay!

Am I raising that kid right or what?

good to know

Abby wanders in the kitchen as I am prepping dinner for the crockpot.

Abby: What's for dinner?
Me: Meatballs.
Abby: Ugh!
Me: You have a problem with that?
Abby: Yeah, I don't feel like meat or balls tonight.