the case of the missing fitbit charger

My fitbit one requires charging once every seven to ten days. Over two weeks ago when I got my battery low notification I plugged it in to my laptop and dutifully charged it up. What I dutifully failed to do was return my small fitbit charger to it's resting place in the junk drawer when I was finished with it. I promptly forgot all about it until the low battery warning popped up yet again.

Ooops..... where did that silly thing go? I searched high and low. I searched the logical spots and some of the illogical spots. I stomped round the house like godzilla growling at every one who even glanced in my direction. I offered up exorbitant rewards for whoever could find my wayward charger.

You see around here the kids set an clear the table. Since I don't have dedicated desk space my laptop is almost always on the kitchen table, so the kids clear it off the table every night for dinner. My best guess was the charger had been stuffed somewhere during dinner time chores. After a week of wracking our brains and hard core searching by both Mike and I (and somewhat halfheartedly by the children) we were ready to admit defeat. Just buy a new one, Mike insisted. We searched everywhere we can think of. It will likely turn up eventually and when it does you'll have a spare, but it probably won't show up for a while.

So I bought a new one. $27 with taxes and shipping and they had it to me in a day in a super huge box for my super tiny charger..... but that's a story for another time. I dutifully plugged in my now dead for a week fitbit and charged her up, clipped it back on to my bra and everyone was happy.

Fast forward twelve hours.....



Your eyes are not deceiving you. That is in fact two fitbit one chargers you see in my hand. We were getting ready to head out the door this morning when Abby found it in her backpack. Her backpak! Now why didn't I think to look there? She claims I owe her that exorbitant reward and I claim she owes me $27.. so I think we're going to call it even.

4h

My girls are both card carrying 4-H members. Michael and I both card carrying 4-H leaders. Now most of you are asking what in the hell is 4-H? Some of you are asking isn't that the club for farm kids? A couple of you are nodding your heads because you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Actually, 4-H is a grassroots organization of leaders building leaders. At the beginning of each 4-H meeting the club participants recite the 4-H pledge that speaks to the organization's big picture message...

I pledge my head to clearer thinking,
my heart to greater loyalty,
my hands to larger service and
my health to better living
for my club, my community and my country.

In 4-H kids aged 9-21 learn to do by doing. Leaders come together to create a 4-H club and the members learn about the topic selected. During the course of the club (12 hours in length, typically six - two hour meetings) kids develop leadership skills like public speaking, meeting management, parliamentary procedure, decision making and communicating. For a mere $65 a year the kids are welcome to participate in as many clubs as they'd like. Abby is currently signed up for a bunch of clubs - photography, glee, horse, drama, gardening, and photo editing.

For the 6-8 year old set, 4-H offers the Cloverbud program, of which Maya is a member and Mike and I are two of the leaders and Abby tags along to lend a hand too. The little ones keep us on our toes, but we're both having such a fun time with it. Cloverbuds runs the whole year, we aim for a meeting every three or four weeks on topics like paper crafts, dairy cows, dance, the five senses and celebrations around the world.

This afternoon Mike and I spent at the police station picking up our police checks, so it looks like we're in this for the long haul. This is really something I wouldn't have been capable of doing before... from the volunteer screening interview to the police check process to providing leadership. I am really so happy to be in this place though. This experience so far has been fantastic for both girls, but also incredibly rewarding for me. I can't wait to share all of our 4-H adventures with you.

i used to read

Know what I miss about my former anxiety levels..... I know, you expect me to say nothing, but there is this one little thing. You see the worst time of the day for me was always the end of the day when I crawled into bed. Falling asleep was incredibly difficult because... oh the places my mind would take me. I'd replay conversations and social interactions torturing myself with how I'd screwed them up. And that was an easy night. On the worst ones I'd worry about something happening to my kids or my family. I'd imagine what my Dad's last moments were like. Those nights were probably the worst, the darkest ones. I'd never be able to tell what was going to be on the menu for any given evening.

My coping mechanism of choice was sleep deprivation. I do not recommend that it at all, by the way. I would stay up watching TV or putzing about on the internet until my head was nodding then I'd crawl into bed and crack a book and read until I fell asleep. Some nights it took one page, some nights it took multiple chapters.

These days I just go to bed. At semi-reasonable times even. No reading necessary. No more mind wandering torture sessions. I fall sleep in about ten minutes according to my handy fitbit one. Every now and then I have a bit of a.... well I guess it's a muscle memory sort of thing.... it's like my mind has to wander, but all of the anxiety thoughts are gone. So instead I start designing and decorating my dream house, but I've never actually gotten further than imagining the antique church pew I'd have in the foyer.

Here's the part I miss though... the reading in bed. I've had a book sitting on my beside table for months! Two books actually. The Game of Thrones, which I was trudging through one paragraph at a time. I thought maybe it was too heavy, so I switched to I Love You Beth Cooper and I think I got about 40 pages in before I started neglecting the heck out of it. I know the simple answer is to just go to bed a bit earlier, but it appears I'm unwilling to do that right now. It just feels so odd to me sometimes. The falling asleep in 10 minutes or less is so incredibly amazing though. Totally fair trade off.

one month down

Well we are just over one month into the year of health and I'm sure you're dying to know how it's working out. Well I'm not going to lie it got off to a really discouraging start. Or so I thought. I was sick for about a month with one thing after another beginning at Christmas time. The pink eye wasn't fun, the laryngitis wasn't ideal, but the bronchitis really knocked me on my ass. In stark contrast to how I usually deal with being sick I rested. Typically I just power through and pretend I'm not really all that sick. This time around I spent a lot of time napping, going to bed early and watching TV in bed.... with Abby who was sick as well. Mike and Maya managed to keep the rest of the house running smoothly, dinners were made, rooms were tidied, homework was completed, and eventually bit by bit Abby and I got better.

And now that I'm feeling better I've really been able to put the fitbit through it's paces and I have to say I triple love it. It really encourages me to get my butt up off the couch. I've been running the stairs here at home to meet my stair climbing goal and I do plenty of marching around the house to make it to 10,000 steps per day. I've been boxing and holding dance parties with the kids to meet my active minutes goal. Oh and I am a little obsessed with the sleep tracking aspect. My sleep is 96% effective, in case you were wondering and I'm restless about a dozen times a night. I've given up on even the idea of treadmill running and instead am waiting for it stop polar vortexing out there for five minutes so I can hit the trail. I purchased the fitbit one. I wear it clipped to my bra and I don't even know it's there. I am completely happy with the purchase and would recommend highly recommend it. Anybody else loving their fitbit? Want to be fitbit friends?

wow...

Well that was just lovely and unexpected. Yesterday's post in honour of #BellLetsTalk day came really easy off my fingertips. It's always nice to write with that much ease, but what all of you gave back to me...... well I'm not sure I have the words to describe it. You're all so sweet and kind. To have people say I'm inspiring to them is not something I take lightly. I am deeply touched by the sentiment and I try hard to live up that ideal. On the flip side I can't help, but be baffled by it because honestly if you're asking me I'm not doing anything overly remarkable. I'm not ending world hunger or curing cancer, but I'm doing my very best to make the world a little bit better where I can.

The last couple of years has been a beautiful adventure that I never could have imagined for myself. Thank you all so much for sharing it with me. xo

#BellLetsTalk

I remember sitting in the backyard at my mother-in-law's. The rest of the family was playing a game of baseball using one of those plastic bat and ball sets that are so popular at dollar stores. There was much laughing and trash talking. And there I sat, by myself, at the picnic table. My sister-in-law was across the lawn from me, making her way back into the game. She paused and attempted to make eye contact with me, beckoning me to come play. I pretended I couldn't see her. Yes, that's what I did. I just ignored her because I was incapable of getting up and joining in the fun.

Mike got his sisters later in life, he was sixteen and so were they. We were not all instant friends. This baseball game was early on in their blended family relationship and I was already making a muck up of it because how do you form a connection with someone like that? Here she was inviting me to join the fun and instead I pretended I didn't even see her. She gave up eventually. Obviously. Why wouldn't you? At the time she didn't know me from Adam and I'm sure even she wasn't completely sold on the idea of investing in these new relationships.

My life is made up of a million of those types of stories. Stories in which I behave, seemingly, like an asshole (if I was lucky. A lot of the time I came off bitchy) because whatever I had going on inside my brain didn't allow me to be comfortable within myself. You'd have to wonder how I ended up with any friends at all. I'd like to send a very heartfelt thank you to those of you who pushed through all that stuff I had up and in the way to be my friend. I used to "joke" that I made you work to be friends with me and while the "joke" had more than a sliver of truth to it, I promise that wasn't by design. If I could have been any different I would have. So really thanks for taking a chance on me because if you hadn't pushed it, I certainly wouldn't have. Y'all know who you are.

Mental illness is not something I spend a lot of time discussing with other people. I mean if I was incapable of saying hello to someone I certainly wasn't about to offer up how I would stay up hours later then I should just because my anxiety went off the charts when I climbed into bed. My Dad was bipolar and committed suicide and yet on my hospital paperwork when I had the girls when they asked about a history of mental illness in the family I answered none because I didn't want to that to be my label. I realize that was stupid because the concern is postpartum depression and I knew that at the time, but I felt people would be watching me even closer once they found that out. When I meet someone new I usually skirt the Dad death question the best I can when and if it comes up because people are usually so incredibly sorry they asked and then it becomes an awkward moment of me very brightly assuring them that everything is okay, that I'm fine with it when I'm not truly fine. I live with it because that is the realty of things, but I will never been fine with it because it's not fine. It's not okay. He should be here. I don't know what has to change to keep this sort of thing from happening to other families, but just simply talking about it has to be a good start, right?

I am one of the lucky ones. My feelings of anxiety are lower then they ever have been before in my life. That is something I am still adjusting to. I can chair meetings and make new friends and sit through volunteer screening interviews and I barely break a sweat. I climb into bed and just fall asleep. No more staying up to the point of exhaustion and then reading until I fell asleep with the book in my hand. I presented an award to a couple of kids at the school in front of a room full of people. I was in a flash mob! My life is big and full and wonderful. I mean my life has always been wonderful, but this is just an easier kind of wonderful. That Shannon that ignored her sister-in-law all those years ago does not exist anymore. I have learned, the hard way, that I'm not "cured", living like this takes work. I need to be good to myself. I need to run and write and drink my water. I need sleep and game nights and volunteering and I need my friends. I read a book recently about the power of friendship and how important it is to a woman's overall health. My social circle is the largest it's ever been in my life and I credit it very heavily with how mentally healthy I feel. From my closest friends to work friends to volunteering friends to neighbours to friends who I've never met in person you all give something very important to my life and I thank you all for that.

Be good to each other, you never can tell what someone else is living with. Be patient. Be empathetic. Take a chance on the quiet bitchy girl in the corner. Mike's sisters did and I am so thankful for them.

Much love.

one week in

Well we are a week into the year of health and it's really kind of kicking my ass. I went from pink eye to laryngitis to a sore throat/cough and I'm still not back to snuff. It can only get better from here, right? I got myself a little year of health present (fitbit!!) that I'm trying out and love so far, but I'm waiting until I can really put it through it's paces before weighing (no pun intended) in on it. Today I was feeling like I had turned the corner. I only needed two Halls Vitamin C lozenges to get through the day. So it's lots of water and green tea until I can get back on the treadmill. Even better if the temperature came up enough for some outside running in my new Pearl Izumis!!

the year of.....

So what word was going to use to describe 2014. I'll admit I hadn't given it much thought before last week. It would have been easy to roll out another year of AWESOME, but I intend to be awesome every day until further notice, so I had to come up with something else..... but what. Coming up with one word to describe your whole year isn't as easy as it sounds. It's a word that needs to inspire and encourage... that's how I see it anyway. I resolved to give it some serious thought over my vacation and then that night as I was drifting off to sleep it came to me.....

2014 shall be the year of Health.

What exactly does that mean.... well it means a lot of things... more running, yoga, water, and green tea. More time for reading, for writing, for volunteering, for things that make my brain healthy. And it means more time with those people that love me and that make my heart healthy.

Should be fun!