How was your day? Good? Oh that's nice. Okay now ask me.
My day? Oh it was pretty quiet. Yep nothing much goes on around here. Just me and the girls hanging out. Well that was the plan until somebody, who shall remain nameless, decided to shove a very tiny glass slipper up her nose. Where did she get a tiny glass slipper you ask. Well from her Grandma Diane of course. Mom was over last night to baby sit while Mike and I went to the funeral home to pay our respects to a friend's father who had passed away. It was our first time leaving both Maya and Abby at home. Mom, like any Grandma, was excited to be babysitting. In celebration of the event Mom showed up with copious amounts of gifts for both girls. Maya scored clothes and bedding from my favourite children's company Kushies. Abby, among other things, got a Cinderella doll set. This particular set was a lot like Polly Pocket. Tiny little doll with tiny rubber clothes, tiny rubber hairdos and tiny rubber shoes, four pairs of them.
Today Mike and I had plans to attend the funeral service with my Mom coming back to babysit. I had planned on getting various household chores done this morning, then showering, feeding both girls their lunch before getting ready for the service this afternoon. Maya was napping. Abby was alternately building puzzles, watching The Swan Princess and helping me. At some point Abby asked me for some smarties so I gave her a few in a bowl and she went back to her movie. Not long after that she came into the back room crying. This was an "I hurt myself" cry.
Me: "What did you do?"
Abby: something garbled my nose something garbled
Me: Did you stick a smartie up your nose?
Abby: (while wailing) no a glass slipper (more hysterical wailing)
Perfect! She's stuffed a tiny rubber shoe up her nose. Now what in the hell am I going to do? First I decided I better assess the situation. I scooped her up and sat her down on Mike's desk since the sun was shining in that window. The shoe is right there, not too far into her nose. I could easily grab it with tweezers and pull it out. In the time it took me to get the tweezers from the bathroom my darling little girl sniffed. Actually it was a huge snort, several of them and in doing so sucked the glass slipper further into her nose. Dangerously close to being lost to us forever. Now I started to panic, imagining the shoe getting lodged in her sinus cavity and requiring suregical intervention and more time at the hospital.
Abby, at this point, was quite content. I guess by sucking the shoe a little further up her nose she coudn't feel it like she could when it was closer to the opening. "Oh Mommy I don't have a glass slipper in my nose anymore. It's all gone." Now I was worried that the shoe had disappeared, so I convinced her to let me check her nose quickly. I considered it good news that I could see the little white shoe exactly where it had been after the snorting.
Me: No Abby the shoe is still in your nose.
Abby: (wailing hysterically again) My Daddy is going to be so mad at me.
I manage to get her calmed down a bit. I try to explain to her why it's important to get the shoe out of her nose. I tell her how I'm going to get it and that I'll be very fast. She wants me to use the wrong end of the tweezers and freaks out if she sees the tweezers in my hand with the pinhcers pointed out. She also screams and claps her hands over her nose if I so much as look in the general direction of her face. I resort to bribes, promising her Flubber, a new puzzle and cheezies. She agrees to my bribes, but doesn't hold up her end of the bargain. I try holding her still, but she's getting to be pretty strong. Plus it's nearly impossible to hold a kid still that doesn't want to stay still. Especially if it's one on one. You need serious back up in a situation like that. At this point she's so upset she's thrown up all over the living room carpet.
I decide to give her a break and clean up the carpet before it starts to stink. While I'm taking care of that Abby sneezed twice and after a quick inspection I see she's managed to move the shoe forward a bit. Now I really could grab it with the tweezers. I figure my best course of action is to just ambush her. It's so low in her nose now I'm sure I stand a good shot at getting it out. Before I go in for the attack I ask her if she'd like Mommy to get the shoe or if she wanted to go to the hospital. Of course I was betting on the fact that she wouldn't want to go anywhere near the hospital. Boy was I wrong. She wants to go the the hospital. Instead I grabbed her and laid her on the bathroom counter and tried to hold her body still with my upper body. She figures out pretty quickly that this isn't a situation she wants to be in and puts up a very impressive fight. Somehow I managed to grab a hold of the shoe a couple of times, but lost my grip due to her violent thrashing. Now she's mad, Cujo mad. Seriously, she was frothing at the mouth, screaming, crying and of course the thrashing. I could tell that vomitting was next on the list, so I leaned her over the sink. She was sick with such force that it was coming out her nose. Not a pretty moment. After that I let her stomp off to the office. I thought it best if we took a break for a bit.
I let her sit and hate me for a minute or two before I brought her the box of kleenex. I almost cried with relief when I saw a tiny white shoe laying beside her on the chair. I didn't hear her sneeze or snort so I have no idea how she got it out. Maybe she's a little Houdini and the whole thing was a magic trick. Needless to say upon discovery of the missing shoe, all remaining tiny shoes were gathered up and dispensed with into the garbage. Something Abby didn't see the need for, but she got the idea quickly it wasn't up for debate.
Well I asked her, who's in big trouble?
Without missing a beat she answered, Grandma Diane.
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