What in the name of all that is holy do I have to do to keep my child from shoving things up her nose? Tonight while she was sitting beside her father she quietly shoved in an orange bead. She had been carrying said bead and two unpopped popcorn kernels around in her sister's sock telling us they were her jewels. Yes, I know she's an odd child. Mike relieved her of the popcorn kernels, but allowed her to keep the bead. They are her beads from a necklace making set I had bought her. Up until tonight she's only ever made necklaces with them, I guess she had become bored with that application. What else fun can you do with beads, but shove them in your nasal passage.
If only Oprah wasn't so mesmerizing I might have noticed what she was doing before she actually had it in her nose. My first clue something was wrong was her hysterical screaming while jabbing at her nose with her finger. Mike and I both realized instantly what she had done and Mike made a grab for her hands. She's quick, wiry and she has youth on her side so she dodged him easily and made a few more jabs at her nose. Which was probably why the bead was no where to be seen by the time we got her pinned down.
"Oh it's all gone Mommy. It came out." Yeah right. She forgets that I've been down this road with her before and I know she *lies* when it comes to objects in her nose. It's no where in the general vicinity of where she was playing, but we also haven't be able to make visual contact with it in her nose either. After some wrestling and intense negotiations I am finally allowed to look up her nose with a flash light. Eureka! One orange bead way waaaaaay up there. Mike wondered if he could reach it with tweezers. I vetoed that right away. First it was way too high to try to attmept even if she would lie still while the procedure was being done. Second I knew the second the tweezers came out she'd start acting like a rabid dog. There would be no getting near her.
Michael had, literally, zero patience tonight. Work has him a bit stressed out. Of course Abby pulls this stunt right after he gets home. He's had no time to unwind. So while I'm trying to work out in my head the best way to attack this... go right to emerg, wait and see if she sneezes it out, call TeleHealth and ask their advice, go to the walk in clinic, not to mention what to do with Maya... Mike decides to take charge.
"Abby now we have to take you to the hospital! Right Now! So the Doctor can get the bead out of your nose! Or you can try to get it out yourself!"
"I want to get it out myself." I think that's what she said. It was hard to tell with all the crying.
"Fine. Put your finger on the side of your nose and breathe out really hard."
A nanosecond later she had fired the orange bead out onto the love seat. Disaster averted. Daddy saves the day. The whole ordeal was over in 7 minutes. Why the hell didn't I think of that when the glass slipper was up there? I fought with her for an hour, she vomitted, frothed at the mouth, thrashed around violently and I still don't know how it came out of her nose. Well the important thing is now I know how to handle it in case it happens again. Who am I kidding? This is the third time she's stuffed something up her nose. It's only a matter of time before she strikes again.
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