Five days. That's all I have left. Five days until I run in my first 5km race. I was thinking about it as I ran 5km this afternoon. What am I even doing?
I am not a natural athlete. In fact I am not an athlete at all. I played no organized sports of any kind growing up. My parents attempted to sign me up for baseball when I was about 10. I never took the field once. We had just moved to the country from the city and all those kids had played baseball together forever and I had barely played catch. I took one look at them throwing the ball around and probably peed my pants. I also dealt with some depression, anxiety and major shyness issues when I was younger. I don't remember how much coaxing they did, but at some point they did allow me to bow out. That was the beginning and ending of my sports career, unless you count the church slow pitch team I played on purely because they had to have three (I think) girls on the team and I was given strict instructions to get out of the way of any play that came in my vicinity.
I have no illusions about this race. There is not a chance in hell that I'm going to come across the finish line first. I am not a competitive person by any stretch of the imagination. I'm also not a trail blazer. I don't just go out and do things on my own. This all adds up to what the hell is Shanny doing?
Here's the thing. Abby thought running sounded like great fun and that running a 5km was an excellent idea. I certainly couldn't send her out there on her own, so off we went. I mentioned it to a couple of girlfriends and they were game to. We had lots of time to work our way through the couch to 5k program so we'd be race ready by mid August. Then Abby realized running was maybe not her thing and I stayed out there running on my own. I managed to finish the program and actually ran 5km, I never really believed that I would do it. Then the time came to shit or get off the pot. If I was going to run in this race I was going to have actually sign up for it.
That brings us right around to where we started. What am I doing? I still don't know. When it became apparent that nobody else was in this with me and I still signed up... well I don't have to tell my real life peeps that is not Shannon-like behaviour. Hell, me being out running by myself three or four times a week is not Shannon-like behaviour. Mike asked me last night if I was nervous and I said yes, but really I'm not. I feel kind of ambivalent about it. I know me and by this point I should be experiencing some (read a lot of) anxiety, but I'm just not. It's a weird experience.
I am overwhelmingly proud of myself for doing this and that is not easy for me to admit. I am not one to toot my own horn in anything, but a joking manner. I appreciate all your kind words and comments. A little encouragement goes such a long way, you don't even know. I am trying to be more gracious when accepting compliments as my instinct is to downplay all the hard work I've been doing. So thank you all so much and remember to think of me Sunday morning hopefully running at my personal best.