Tuesday, December 10, 2013

still finding my way

This weekend was a bit of a trial that required a lot of hand holding, hugs, back rubs, some tears (both hers and mine) and endless conversations in which I tried to be as reassuring and supportive as I could. If you get right down to it, we were both just taking our best shot at getting it right... Did we? I'm not sure. I think so. I think she really just needed me to listen, rub her back and tell her it was all okay. 

Even still, by Monday morning she was angry with me. ML and I often meet up on  my couch Sunday evening for a bit of a stitch and bitch. We knit, watch some TV and catch up. It's a pressure free standing date... meaning if we're both free and we both feel up to it, then it's on, but no offense is taken if either of us bails out. So this past Sunday night ML and I were in my living room and I was giving her a run down of my weekend looking for that very valuable Mom to Mom support. Little did I know the daughter  I had tucked into bed, was no longer tucked in, but rather listening at the top of the stairs. Yeah. Not impressed to be the topic of conversation would be putting it mildly.

It struck  me as somewhat funny that I would find myself in this predicament having just written about how careful I was trying to be about her need for privacy. What we were dealing with this weekend isn't something I plan on blogging about in detail, but I felt comfortable enough discussing it with a trusted friend in the relative privacy of my own living room. Monday morning I managed to calm her down enough to get her out the door for school and then we circled the wagons back around that evening. Me and her, tucked away in her room.

I apologized, of course, for upsetting her and then I asked her a very important question... did she trust me to tell her story? She wasn't sure what I meant, so I explained to her that every experience that she struggles with is a struggle for me as well. That this is my first time on the Mom side of the fence. I may have gone through similar situations as a young girl, but it's a completely different experience now. I asked if she could see the value in sharing that with a friend, this journey. I told her I'm trying to be the best Mom I can be and part of that is asking for advice and/or feedback from people who's opinions I value. I explained that ML would never mention any of our conversation back to her unless she, herself, initiated it. So keeping in mind that everything that happens to you, happens to me, I told her, just as you need to talk to me, I need to talk as well... do you trust me to tell your story? She was quiet for a bit and then said that she did.

There are a lot of big changes coming up as we hurtle towards the future and I was thankful for her willingness to really look at the issue from my side. I think we both came away from the experience with some much needed peace of mind. s for me, well this will certainly make my parenting top ten list.


Julie said...

wow shan! what a great way to explain the situation. a parenting high-five to you! this is one to check into my brain for when i need to have the same conversation.

Bibliomama said...

Whew! Yeah, that's a tough one. I think you handled it really well, and I'm glad she could see that.

Betsy said...

That is a very tough one! I am glad you were able to talk to her about it. This parenting thing is ROUGH!

Lynn said...

Awesomely handled - sounds like you both came out of it so well. I have one (the middle one) who is SUPER privacy sensitive and would react exactly the same way. I love what you said about her experiences being yours, too - will keep this in mind, I'm sure I will be using it someday.

Shan said...

Thanks ladies. I appreciate the kind words. It was a rough go this weekend, but it's all for the better in the end. It's only going to get easier from here... right? Right?